Non-Husker Football Spring Practice Report

Local sports talk radio got a day off from learning some new twists and turns of all things Billy C and Sam Keller and garage doors. Clark Kellogg of CBS reports that Creighton Basketball Coach Dana Altman will become the new head coach for Iowa (basketball, not football) within "the next four days." Even though a lot of Iowa fans don't seem to want Altman. Which is probably fine with Dana, he loves it in Omaha, he's the Cock of the Walk, his team currently plays in the best facility in the Midwest.

Meanwhile, Husker football practice has been so uneventful that "hair" apparent Sam Keller made news for a rather minor disturbing the peace violation.

And Maurice Purify is still pretty pumped up about bowling a 300, so much so that he's disturbed he can't bowl a perfect game every time (yes, this is REAL bowling, not the popular bowling video game that is becoming the next Golden Tee at local bars).

In sports news that ESPN would never talk about, Alex Gordon, former Husker baseball star and future reincarnation of George Brett, will start the season Monday in Kansas City, playing 3rd base, wearing #7 and hitting 5th. ESPN has all but handed the Rookie of the Year award to somebody in Boston named "Dice Kay", but you heard it here first: Gordon wins the honor in a landslide. The Yankees will dream of someday getting Gordon to replace A-Rod at 3rd, and I'll begin to gradually slit both wrists.

Joey Pants is still crazy (and yes, this link includes what seems to be his AOL address). Seriously, getting killed on "The Sopranos" must really leave you lonely.

Finally, two great youtube clips, the first Mackenzie and I talked about when it was first reported. Director David O. Russell getting into it big time with Lilly Tomlin on the set of I Heart Huckabees (on a plane to Vega$ at the time I believe is where we first discussed this). It was only a matter of time before we saw the feud in all of it's glory:


This next one we've been meaning to post for sometime. Yes, that's Rip Torn, the actor who would three decades later play Artie, one of the top 3 greatest television characters of all-time on The Larry Sanders Show. It's safe to say that Rip Torn has been crazy from day one, or as Curt Schilling puts it, seven days a week and twice on Sunday. In the wild and free 1960's (RE: Pre-Altamont), Norman Mailer made a film in the late 60s called Maidstone. He played the part of a famous movie director who is considering a run for the presidency. Rip Torn played his potential assassin. At the end of filming, Rip appeared to get a little too far into his role, and he attacked Mailer on camera with a hammer, drawing blood. Mailer retaliated by viciously biting into Torn's ear, drawing even more blood. Their fight is now forever with us. Torn may want to lay off the Salty Dogs a bit. The greatest thing about this clip is that it's totally something that Artie would do:
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First Husker FB Practice: Who Said This?

It was a fun and good practice today. It's a great way to start the spring. I thought they all looked good. There were quite a bit of plays that we threw in for the first day and a lot of shifts and motion. We did not hold back from where we ended going into bowl preparations. We picked up the installation the first day of practice just as if it was the last day.

TRANSLATION: I know who looks good and who looks like shit. What do want from me, huh? Lucky's gonna start, Purify's going to be our leading receiver and ah fuck it, Sam Keller's the starting QB, there, you happy? To me, this is all a fucking carousel and the sun is a scoop of ice cream. Now if you'll excuse me, Sam --- oops, I mean --- Steve Peterson said something about Aloe Vera or Lanolin, I can't remember which. And something about balls needing some tonning, I think he said. Anyway, until tomorrow, tallyhoo fuckwads! CLICK TO READ ENTIRE POST!

HUSKER PRACTICE STARTS: Billy C Being Billy C

Sometimes I wonder if Callahan is an alien, programmed to talk to the media in programmed tones with the same words. Wouldn't it be fun to see him go "Fucking Hillbillies" during one of his monotonous press conferences?

The first spring practice officially starts at 3:15pm this afternoon, but, according to their fearless leader, the meetings have already started. According to the species known as Billy C, "We've had the opportunity to meet with (the players) the past two days at 6:30 in the morning -- a little bright and early -- but they've responded extremely well and they're very excited about hitting the field (today) and it should be a lot of fun."

Oh, and for the record, he's in no time to name Sam Keller the starting quarterback. Billy C insists that Joe Ganz, Beau Davis, junior college transfer Zac Lee and incoming freshman Patrick Witt will all get a shot at the title.

In proper salesman media mode: "There are really not enough practices in a spring to really come out and say, 'Bang, this is the guy,' at that position," Billy C says of the quarterback race. "I hope it is, but certainly, we're not going to put a timeline on it or anything of that nature or a deadline as to when we're going to name a starter."

Christ, couldn't he just be upfront and say, "You know, when we learned that Keller was transferring, we brought him up here, he dazzled the shit out of us, and we immediately offered him a scholarship, saying the job is his to lose for 2007." This kid had Heisman talk around him when he last played quarterback. I just can't wait to learn that in practices, Billy C is babying this kid. CLICK TO READ ENTIRE POST!

Look Who's Found the Magic of Ebay!

"I make over $20million a year, and I bought this honey of grill that David Ortiz said would char an Irish broad's ass, and I don't think I've found one Irish babe up for the challenge. The fucker cost me almost $4,000 (somewhere George Foreman is giggling with delight) and I've only used it one time......Hey Schilling, you're always on this intra net thing. Could you find somebody out there who might want it?"

Yes, Manny Ramirez is officially selling his "almost" $4,000 grill on ebay. I know everyone will just chalk this up to another "Manny being Manny" incident, but...Couldn't he just give the grill to somebody as a gift maybe? Like John Kruk, who'd get good use of it. You have to see this to even scratch your head at it.

OH, the bidding started at "only" $3,000.00. As of this moment, it's already up to $15,000.00. All for a Grill that MANNY RAMIREZ USED ONCE! Oh, the lucky bidder also gets a ball signed by Manny. I guess that's worth $15,000 alone. That grill better be able to find the cow, kill the kill, cut off the best cuts of meat and marinate to perfection all at once. CLICK TO READ ENTIRE POST!

Permanently Kill Your Career; Husker Practice Starts Tomorrow (Those Two Headlines Aren't Necessarily Unrelated)

It all started with the 2006 baseball playoffs, where during every single divisional playoff game, Chevrolet seemed to be running that fucking commercial during every single break, every single pitching change. On ESPN, on FOX, wherever there was a game, there was this new commercial with some John Mellencamp song nobody had ever heard of. By the time the championship series started, ESPN's Bill Simmons was already making "This is Ouuuuuuur Country" a running gag in his columns.

It only got worse. Not only were the Chevy ads on more often than Tim McCarver during the baseball playoffs, they were now running during EVERY NFL game. Before game 2 of the World Series in Detroit, Mellencamp himself played the entire song. Hell, Chevy even bought some ads during the Texas/Nebraska football game. This thing just couldn't stop, and Mellencamp was becoming a seriously bad joke.

As the NFL season kept rolling along, word leaked that the song was a brand NEW one by Mellencamp, a song which would be on his new record to be released in the spring of 2007. You know, right around the time March Madness takes place, and Chevy can buy a shitload of commercials during all the hoops action.

Mellencamp was critiqued brutally by the press. He finally gave interviews, saying he was forced to make the deal with Chevrolet. Nobody was paying attention to him, and radio had froze him out.

The deal with the devil hasn't worked. His album, "Freedom Road" has only moved
144,654 units. And John Mellencamp is making more people cringe than Michael Richards. We can still somehow watch old Seinfeld reruns, and Kramer still works. Oh sure, if Richards came out with something new today, we'd look at him the entire time thinking, "Fifty years ago we'd have had a fork up your ass!" But Mellencamp's music career is in serious doubt now. He's going to have to take YEARS off, and try to come back as either a nostalgia act or something completely different. And oh by the way, it doesn't look like Chevy's going to pull that ad anytime soon. Remember how long they stuck with the Bob Seger "Like a Rock" campaign?

Rock stars selling their songs is nothing new, and almost all have profited from doing so. But why's Mellencamp's decision been the worst. Many reasons:

1. We had the worst baseball post-season in years. I follow the game more than anyone I know, and I had to sit back and think who the Tigers played in the ALCS. I still can't believe the Cardinals won a boring 5 game series (granted, I missed most of game 5, but that's another story). The NFL season and post-season weren't any better. Besides the Patriots/Chargers playoff game and Tony Romo's big muff in the Cowboys game, there was nothing memorable. All we take from a piss-poor Super Bowl is that Peyton Manning finally won a championship. So the repeated showings of the Mellencamp Chevy commercial became even more annoying. If this thing ran during the classic 2003 NLCS and ALCS, Mellencamp's wailing wouldn't be so bothersome.
2. The first four days of March Madness are traditionally known as holidays to some sports fans. Some take Thursday and Friday off, and just sit around, drinking Guiness and watching hoops. Only this year, the first two days in particular were the absolute worst in the history of the tournament. And day's 3 and 4 weren't any better. But the entire time, Mellencamp was just around the corner, reminding us to scenes of a Chevy truck that this is our country.
3. Seger's "Like A Rock" was already a huge hit for him before he made his deal with Chevy. In fact, that ad campaign didn't start until "Like a Rock" had fallen off the charts. The Stones gave Microsoft "Start Me Up" for Windows 95, but I seem to remember hearing that song a few times before those commercials ran everywhere. The Beatles sold the "Revolution" to H&R Block. Lesson learned: It's not necessarily a bad thing for rock stars to sell one or two of their older songs for some campaign. But it has to be something that's already in the public consciousness. Doesn't that make sense for both the artist AND the advertiser?
4. Mellencamp used the ad campaign to promote his new album. He bought into the idea that billions of people were going to hear "This is Our Country" as often as they would have on the radio in 1985. Now music insiders say the album came out too long after the commercial. Excellent point. Why not put the album out BEFORE the baseball playoffs?
5. As the Super Bowl became a distant memory, Mellencamp finally did the talk show circuit to promote his new album. Every host (I'm looking at you, Jimmy Kimmel) would bring up the ad campaign before Mellencamp would go into playing an acoustic version of...."THIS IS OUR COUNTRY". All the while, critics are giving the album decent reviews, and saying that "Our Country" is one of the weaker tracks on the album. Why wouldn't Mellencamp play "My Aeroplane", which many have pointed out as a potential hit?

So it only took 20 years, but Mellencamp is as dead as Dillenger. The good news: Husker football spring practice starts tomorrow, and we're going to get updates daily (whether we'll use them or not depends on how fun they are). I've requested for "Scoop" to pay special attention to Marlon Lucky and Maurice Purify. And of course, what section of his pants Kevin Cosgrove sticks his playbook in.

Oh, and all of those skyboxes. Make your own conclusion here, but remember the slick con artist behind the message.

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Raising the Stakes

The more we news we can get about Husker Wide Receiver (and future top-10 draft pick) Maurice Purify, the better. And Maurice has already decided that when spring practice begins for the Corn on March 21st, next year will end better than last year.

As we all know, last year's mantra, through every win or loss, was quoted and read with the eloquence that Jack Torrance would type in Stanley Kubrick's The Shining.

Our goal is to win the Big 12 North. Our goal is to win the Big 12 North. Our goal is to win the Big 12 North. Our goal is to win the Big 12 North. Our goal is to win the Big 12 North. Our goal is to win the Big 12 North. Our goal is to win the Big 12 North. Our goal is to win the Big 12 North.

All work and no play make Billy C a Dull Coach.

Purify wants more. "I want us to have the No. 1 offense in the Big 12,” Purify said. “My total goal is to go back to the Big 12 Championship Game and win it."

Done and done. I trust Purify, not only because he still can't believe that snow falls from the sky, but just last month, he bowled his first 300 game, and it turns out he made a brief run at joining Doc Sadler's Husker Hoops team. It also turns out he came to the Cotton Bowl weighing 236, 10 pounds more than the coaches had seen him. Our man Maurice blamed this on "grandma's fine cooking" over the holidays.

God I hope Sam Keller gets the ball to this guy early and often. CLICK TO READ ENTIRE POST!

Rock and Roll Hall Highlights

Not a blog like somebody with the initials "BS" per se, but rather just a compilation to at least make a point to the world that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Ceremonies should be televised on some NETWORK every year. Hell, CBS should just carry this shit instead of the Grammys. Plus we're doing this because, well, we actually have VH1 Classic (at least for another month anyway) and they're finally carrying the damn thing LIVE and in HD to boot. We'll keep posting as the night goes on, so keep checking back (this thing could very easily last until 8pm tomorrow night).

They've already in big trouble before they get started. Let's face it, the only reason this year's event is even being televised live is because of the potential hijinks of a full-fledged Van Halen reunion. We already know Eddie has to watch the show from rehab, but now it's confirmed that neither David Lee Roth nor Alex Van Halen are bothering to show either. WHAT? Evidently, Roth couldn't get it together with the "house band", or even Velvet Revolver for that matter. The VH1 brass has to be livid and praying for REM to be REM circa 1987.

BTW, USA Today ran a piece that I don't even want to bother linking to about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in today's edition. There are many reasons to dislike the piece, so let's point out the positive: It did give Bob Lefsetz pub for his negative postings about Patti Smith. Why am I not linking to it? Well, primarily because it gave James Young of Styx a forum for him to tout why HIS band should go in, even comparing their eventual inclusions to that of "Martin Scorsese finally winning the Oscar." I think in the comments section after the article, somebody with the moniker DennisDYung wrote, "Kilroy was here." Christ. Let's just get to the show.

Aha. Wouldn't you know we now have Jann Wenner of Rolling Stone to blame for all of this, which I guess means no artist who did anything after the year 2000 will ever make the Hall of Fame.

As with all Rock and Roll Hall of Fames, Paul Shaffer is all fucking over it, including doing the recorded narratives. It's a good thing Alan Callter's so damn funny, otherwise Letterman would just have Paul announce as well. But somewhere, Hank Kingsley is finishing off his suicide note.

Now this is how it should be done: Show the montage of everyone who died in the past year as the very FIRST THING. Why can't the Oscars start out like this? Here's why this montage is so better than the one at the Oscars: They literally find everyone from every band who passed in the last 12 months (plus it's Rock and Roll, and there are a lot more casualties), and the touching part (if you can call it that) is seeing bands you grew up with or listened to and finding out that one of their members died last year. Plus you can play their MUSIC under the tributes. Big applause for Billy Preston, Freddie Fender, June Pointer (who know one of the Pointer Sisters died?), and the lead singer from Boston, who got a little more love than he probably would have if he didn't die like, this past Saturday.

Stephen Stills is on I guess just to remind everyone this is supposed to be a boring award show. The potential is already ruined. But look who they've gone and dug up to hit lead off tonight -- Mama CASS ELLIOT. Oops, it's the ahm, Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin. But still, as Tony Soprano would remind Bobby Bacaliari, I think it's seriously time for you to start to consider salads. I know she's the Queen of Soul and all, but she's going on just a little toooo long. Sort of like Elvis at the end of his life, or Dylan when he gets in one of his moods. Those of you with Aretha in your death pool should feel better about things now.

Pretty classy tribute to the Ronettes. Say what you will about Phil Spector, and the world might just say "Convicted Murderer" about him any day now, but damn that man could make some music. Why wasn't this band inducted sooner? A teary Ron Santo is probably lifting a glass to them right about now, saying to himself, "Next year for me girls. Next year."

It gets better. ".....to induct the Ronettes in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame....Keith Richards." He's got a cigarette dangling from his mouth, and I'm not making this up, I think he's so wasted that he literally forgot to light the fucking thing. Hold on, let's check. Seriously, the poor chap came out with an unlit cigarette. I hate to say this, but Keith Richards has literally turned into my Uncle Rocky. I expect to wake up at 3:33 tomorrow morning to the sound of him mixing strong bloody marys after a rough night out.

Ronnie Spector thanked Eddie Money. Twice. I totally forgot that he had her sing that, "Be my little baby" part in his song "Take Me Home Tonight." Does that warrant a thank you for getting into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? I guess that means if Keith Hernandez ever (justifiably) gets to Cooperstown, he'll have to thank Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David. Of course, she seems to be thanking everyone she can find on her twelve pages of paper she brought to the podium. Now she's almost claiming that she co-wrote Billy Joel's "Say Goodbye to Hollywood." Seriously, she's rambling the beginning of it as something she thought up. No wonder Phil Spector was so fond of guns.

Eddie Van Halen just had his last cigarette and called it a night in his bunk.

Paul Shaffer's always up for every Letterman show, but I really do think this is his favorite night of the year. Evidently, he grabbed one of the Ronettes back stage and told them how many times he fell in love to their music. Which brings us to the another fly in the ointment. While Paul leads the houseband to get ready for the Ronettes performance, we suddenly realize that not only is this baby live, but there are no commercials! Which isn't entirely a bad thing, it's fun to watch Paul get everyone together to create that Spector Wall of Sound. It's also not good that all three of the Ronettes have aged better than Aretha Franklin. At any rate, downloads of Ronettes songs at itunes will probably go up over the next few days. If Shaffer can put a house band together to make the Ronettes sound this good, what on earth was David Lee Roth bitching about? I so want to make fun to this, but it's one of Shaffer's finest hours, recreating Spector's Wall of Sound to perfection.

The Ronettes set ends with Shaffer reading from a blue index card not unlike the one's his host does everynight on the Late Show. "I've just been handed the following note....and it's signed PHIL SPECTOR." That didn't go over particularly well with the crowd. I hope for Spector's sake none of them will be on next week's jury when his trial starts.

So instead of commercials, they put together a wonderful 5-minute clip of past R&R Hall highlights. Seriously, WHY doesn't the Oscars to this shit? Some of the best clips: Seeing Eddie Vedder, at the hype of Pearl Jam (i.e. before Kurt Cobain died) singing lead with the original members of the Doors, and it actually sounds awesome; the many sightings of Steve Van Zandt, with the Boss and even inducting the Rascals, all of which has to make us ask the questions again. What on earth made David Chase think that Little Steven would make a great mobster? And how the hell is he so freaking good as Silvio? I mean, everything I'm hearing has Silvio making it through at least the penultimate episode of the series (OK, sorry, no Sopranos spoilers); Prince absolutely kicking ass on the Beatles "While My Guitar Gently Weaps". Really too many to mention. Again, they had Axl Rose singing Come Together, why isn't this thing on CBS?

The Van Halen controversy won't quit. According to a site called actressarchives.com, Roth had a bit too much prima dona about him. The R&R Hall's official statement: "The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is sorry that David Lee Roth will not attend this year's induction of Van Halen. We offered him opportunities to play and sing a Van Halen song of his choice with our House band, including his own guitar player or a song with Velvet Revolver and he refused those opportunities. We made every effort and the decision not to come was solely his, not ours." I'd say that summer tour is looking more like a no go right now kids.

Zach De La Rocha is inducting Patti Smith. I can't imagine how many chairs Bob Lefsetz is throwing around his house right now. I'm expecting an email from Bob in less than 10 minutes. Meanwhile, Patti's gone for the Diane Keaton in Annie Hall look. I'm expecting her to end her speech with a "la-di-da. La-di-fucking-da." Meanwhile, the crowd is all into Patti Smith. I better send Bob a quick email to make sure he's still with us. Just so you know, his last email he sent out about Patti Smith was at 3:24 this morning, still fuming about how only the NY inner circle of critics get Patti. Here's some of what Bob had on the brain at 3:24 AM. "They call it a Hall Of Fame, not a Hall Of Influences. Patti Smith is an all right gal. But that husband she married, none of the New Yorkers gave a shit about him until she did... I find it UTTERLY hysterical that all the Patti Smith defenders are so offended that I'm railing against her induction to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. They should be laughing, they should be egging me on. Otherwise, they look no different from Comiskey Park fans blowing up disco records, before they fucked to Chic."
Patti opens her set with an average version of the Stones' "Gimme Shelter." As Mackenzie would point out, for Lefsetz, this is like letting Babe Ruth hit off of a tee. She naturally follows up with "Because The Night" (a Springsteen song by the way, but nevertheless her most famous work). You've got to give Smith her props on this one. Even though it was written by the Boss, Smith clearly made it her own, and hell even Natalie Merchants and the 10,000 Maniacs covered it as a "Patti Smith song."

No word from Bob yet. He either doesn't have VH1 Classic (BSmoked Turkey doesn't have it either, at least I don't think he does) or AOL Live Streaming.

This just in from the Betty Ford Center. "All television sets and internet streams are to be kept hidden from patient Edward V. H. for the remainder of the evening. There's a definite concern of a relapse if he sees his band at this little awards show. If necessary, we kept five Percocets from Lindsey L.'s stay just in case something comes up."

Patti Smith just did a song I never heard of where she dropped the "N" bomb at least 15 times. Yeah, that part on network TV, not so much. Let me hit that send/receive button again. NOTHING. Bob is not on his game here. I would know more about Smith's final call, but I was interrupted by a phone call from the Most Miserable Person in the World. I'm going to borrow this little game and do it daily on our blog here. Unfortunately, I think the person that won today would win for the next 8 days easily. Plus in some small way I may have added to her misery. Let's just move on shall we and give tonight's award to Bob Lefsetz, who has to be fuming I'm sure still about Patti Smith.

More things you don't get at other award shows. LIVE coverage of the artists backstage with the press. Hell, it's like having ESPNNEWS during the ceremony. They got the part where Patti explained why she wrote the song with using the "N" bomb so many times.

We go from this to the obligatory James Brown tribute, introduced appropriately enough by....the Reverend Al Sharpton. I hope some of the staffers told Sharpton's people that they check for silverware after the show. Seriously, is the Reverend Al Sharpton the right guy for this? Was Jesse Jackson too controversial? Didn't they realize from a few years ago what Prince brings to this thing? I'd like to tell you that Sharpton isn't loud and isn't rambling, but I allegedly gave up lying for lent, and I'm not even Catholic anymore, but I am willing to relearn.

Now the montage of great old James Brown clips. They're showing the same tape that Eddie Murphy used to watch to learn how to imitate the Godfather of Soul to perfection. BTW, has everyone now heard the story about how Eddie immediately left the Oscars after they read the name "Alan Arkin" instead of his? Enjoy that link, it's the last time we'll let you go to US Weekly again.

The moment that everyone WAS waiting for...VAN HALEN. I'm sure this was scheduled for last but got moved up. At any rate, a nice montage opening with all members present on screen at least. What follows has to be amongst the biggest television disappointments since we saw Bobby Ewing peep out of the shower on Dallas and finding out an entire season was a dream. At least Slash and Duff are there with the rest of Velvet Revolver, so the censors better be on guard (turns out they have to be when Duff puts in his portion). Even when Michael Anthony and Sammy Hagar come out -- alone -- you get the feeling you're at the state fair watching Credence Clearwater Revisited sans John Fogerty. To their credit, Michael and Sammy are all class in their acceptance speech, both wishing Eddie well and calling him their "friend". Michael even thanks Gary Cherone, probably the first and only time that will happen with anything involving anything with the words Hall of Fame. Hell, Sammy even thanked Dave. God bless ya Sammy, but you just aren't Diamond Dave.

Overall, it was like going to a great Thai Restaurant, ordering the spice level at 9, and getting served a 1. Velvet Revolver does traditional covers of "Aint Talking About Love" and "Round and Around." I feel like all members ever in Van Halen died. As the Velvet Revolver set ends, many in the audience yell out, "That wasn't Van Halen" numerous times. No need to worry, remember, MVP Paul Shaffer is here to get the house band ready for Sammy and Michael to throw the world a bone. Along with an energetic Shaffer, Sam and Mike try to do their best with "Why Can't This Be Love?" although with Paul tickling the ivories, my question was more like why couldn't they have done "Right Now." Just overhype disappointment all around. And you know what? THAT wasn't Van Halen either. And the really bad thing for the band: This would have been a great kick-off for their summer tour (if that actually happens), ala the Police at the Grammys. Now, everyone's to the "wake me when they get here" stage.

You get the feeling everyone would just fast forward to REM RIGHT NOW.

After that dud, Jay-Z inducts Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five to give the show some much needed energy, and to remind everyone that there are some bands that stopped subscribing to the "Too Much Drama" classes. But before we get to see Grandmaster Flash perform, VH-1 justifiably allows us to see how Keith Richards behaves in the press room.

Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five show us why they deserve induction. This was just the pill (sorry Eddie) that I needed after the Van Halen debacle. Never being the biggest hip hop fan in the world, they've at least gotten me over VH and now beyond excited for REM. And yes, all four members are going to perform, I think.

For the break, they show the classic performance of Prince and Tom Petty doing "While My Guitar Gently Weeps." It might be sacrilege to say, but this version almost tops the original. Also makes you realize that unless REM pulls out all the stops, tonight's show is a colossal dud compared to previous shows.

Another great montage, this time with the big finish, REM. It's quite obvious that if they were to only elect one act this year, it would be the boys from Athens. U2 gets all the ink, but wow what a body of work Stipe and the boys have. The only mystery now is what three songs they'll play to end the shindig.

The ageless Eddie Vedder walks on to induct the band. Eddie is now officially in danger of beating out Bono and the Boss for most people inducted (in an earlier montage, I swear they showed Bono inducting at least five people). He's also wearing one of the outfits from the "Vitalogy" era. Eddie starts off great, but he's now entering War and Peace territory. I don't think he's ever going to shutup. After what seems like a 45-minute induction speech, the four members of REM show up. And it looks like their new lead singer is author Tom Wolfe. Actually, that's Michael Stipe's way of dressing up for something. Anyway, it's apparent that they're going to let REM finish this show anyway they damn well feel like. It's also obvious that the band is going to let Stipe do all of the talking (in fact, Berry and Buck don't even speak, they go right from Stipe's LOOOOONG speech to playing). Oh, but in case there was any doubt, Stipe officially outted himself (or maybe it was another member of the band) by thanking, "Our three girlfriends and one boyfriend." Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Their set kicks off with "Begin the Begin", and it's vintage stuff. After Stipe introduces "Peter Buck, on the guitar", he mentions that the band wrote 30 songs before they really wrote a real one. Stipe dedicates a rollicking "Gardening at Night" to his father. Let's face it. Our generation, you're either a U2 person, or an REM person. I'll take REM over Bono and company any night of the week. I want a full-fledged tour with all four original members now. Screw Van Halen and their drama.

By now, the entire audience is standing for "Man on the Moon." But it gets better. Vedder comes out to sing background vocals. The two even trade off on lead vocals. It's a perfect rendition of a classic song. Let's face it, REM saved the whole thing, and will keep the R&R Hall of Fame televised for a few more years at least.

The show seems to be over, but Patti Smith comes out to join the group with a cover of the Stooges' "I Wanna Be Your Dog". The all-star jam is Smith's own "People Have the Power", and it all works out. Eddie Vedder and Ronnie Spector get to sing some lead. Shit, even Sammy Hagar's out there. No wonder we haven't heard from Lefsetz. Somehow, they got the big send-off without having the Van Halen water cooler moments they all wanted. Everyone should just thank Paul Shaffer, who again is having the time of his life. I'm sure he can't wait to tell Letterman all about this.

Meanwhile, Tuesday saw Edward V.H. and Brittney S. look upon a California sunrise with the day's first of many cigarettes. CLICK TO READ ENTIRE POST!

That Didn't Last Long

The passing of time has told us that when it comes to Van Halen, the band, David Lee Roth was never the problem. Sammy Hagar was never the problem (well, OK, he was on a lot of those songs). The real problem has always been Eddie himself. And now Eddie realizes that the drunken behemoth he was on the last tour (you get the idea in the above picture) isn't the best idea, so he's officially checked into rehab to "work on myself" as Ed puts it.

This has to mean that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which is coming up next week already, will definitely include Sammy, Diamond Dave, Michael Anthony, and Alex Van Halen. But from the sounds of things, not one Edward Van Halen. Which means these guys might actually get along at the event, and frankly I'm terribly disappointed by this because you just knew some sort of fireworks would ensue. Now, we'll have to settle for some Diamond Dave ramblings (he won't disappoint in that department, his recent comment comparing the VH reunion to "Knots Landing meets Jerry Springer" proves that Roth isn't at a loss for words). And of course, the really true reunion of REM, where I'm expecting nothing short of "South Central Rain", "Radio Free Europe", and a cover of the Monkees "Last Train To Clarksville", the latter being Stipes way of demanding the Monkees get recognition by the Hall of Fame.

But here's the other problem with a sober Eddie. We know that a rehabbed or drunk-free Eddie becomes very difficult to deal with. I can't see that Eddie dealing with Roth's shit, especially with heir apparent Wolfgang on board for the tour. What Diamond Dave once referred to as "inevitable" now simply seems impossible.

Rehab is nothing new for Eddie. The records show he's already tried it at least twice before. He told Rolling Stone back in 1995 that "I always got hammered to be able to cope. I have zero social skills and I don't know how to act, so I get drunk. And then I make a real ass out of myself." CLICK TO READ ENTIRE POST!

The "Ade is Alive" Rumors Are Already Starting

Annie Leibovitz and Vanity Fair are up to their old tricks with the April, 2007 issue of said magazine.

We're not sure who that big fella with the cigar is on the left, but according to contactmusic.com, the scantily clad woman giving him a lap dance is none other than the late Adriana La Cerva. Well, it's actually Drea de Matteo, the actress who played Ade. That picture makes everyone wish she was still alive. The issue also includes great Leibovitz pictures of the entire cast, including pictures of those who've died (Ralph Ciffareto's bald head, Steve Buscemi as Tony B looking just like he did when he was popped, and Big Pussy and Richie Aprille as they left the Sopranos world).

HBO can't ask for better press than this, with the final season set to air appropriately enough on Easter Sunday, April 8th.

Gandolfini with Matteo would be enough for the cover, but Leibovitz and Vanity Fair added series creator David Chase looking on with his sick mind in the background.

In unrelated news, no Husker Football Players have left the program recently. CLICK TO READ ENTIRE POST!