Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Top Movie Songs of the 1990's

Screw Rolling Stone and their little 80's movie song list. One of the best trends to come out of 90's cinema was new directors going the Scorsese route and using previously recorded and sometimes familiar songs rather than have Kenny Loggins or Bryan Adams cut some lame ass ballad as their theme song. So before RS steals our idea, in no particular order, the best songs from 90's cinema:
  1. "Layla", Goodfellas (1990): Starting with the master himself, Marty uses the piano exit of Clapton's masterpiece in a montage of corpses, from the dead old couple in the car spotted by curious kids to the guy with the Eugene Levy haircut hanging in a meat cooler.
  2. "Stuck In The Middle With You", Reservoir Dogs (1992): We really have Quentin Tarantino to thank for this trend in movies. There are about three or four you could pick from "Dogs", but this one sticks out, because you can't listen to Steelers Wheel's "little Dylan-esque pop-ditty" without thinking about Michael Madsen slicing off that cops ear and then pouring gasoline all over him. God I wish there was a 70's radio station like K-Billy's Super Sounds.
  3. "Hotel California (Spanish Version)", The Big Lebowski (1998): We first meet Jesus Quintana (John Turturro), sworn enemy to our hero The Dude (a never better Jeff Bridges), in the bowling alley to the beautiful straings of the Mexican version of this 70's classic rock staple. The brilliant part of using this song: The Dude not only hates Jesus, but later in the movie yells at a cab driver about how he "hates the fucking Eagles."
  4. "Let's Stay Together", Pulp Fiction (1994): Again, as in Dogs, you can pick many other songs (and there's another one from "Pulp" on this list). Simple scene: We get a simple close up of Bruce Willis, cutting back and forth to a close up of the back of Ving Rhames bald head. Only that bald head has some big band-aid on it that's never explained, or really even shown again. Great foreshadowing on a harrowing event that would bring Butch (Willis) and Marselus (Rhames) together again later in the movie.
  5. "Son of a Preacher Man", Pulp Fiction (1994): I remember young people first hearing this during "Pulp" and they all thought it was some new song. So a new audience got to discover Dusty Springfield, just as John Travolta was first meeting Uma Thurman and her coked up skinny ass in her weird LA home. This song works better than Urge Overkill's cover of Neil Diamond's "Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon" later in the movie when Uma finds that wild stash in Travolta's coat.
  6. "Sister Christian/Jessie's Girl", Boogie Nights (1997): It's almost the last scene in the movie (before Marky Mark pulls out his special purpose). Todd Parker (Thomas Jane) convinces our two heroes at the end of their ropes, Dirk Diggler (Mark Wahlberg, in a role I still can't believe he didn't even get an Oscar nomination for) and Reed Rothchild (John C. Reilly), to con 5 grand off of Alfred Molina and an Asian guy who wears a Rick Springfield t-shirt and tight underwear while tossing lit fire crackers across the room. Only thing is, Molina's got a mix-tape, a mix-tape he's a little too proud of. He leads off with "Sister Christian", only to have the tape switch sides to "Jessie's Girl". While Molina is all too eager to get into the songs, the camera stays on Wahlberg for what seems like two minutes, and we see the moment of clarity in his face that they need to get the fuck out of Dodge. Dirk and Reed narrowly escape, only to go back to the one thing that can earn them an honest living: Pornography.
  7. "Don't Let It Bring You Down", American Beauty (1999): Annie Lennox covers Neil Young, scored to an eerie scene where we see Kevin Spacey finally getting his chance to fulfill his earthly desires with that little hottie Mena Suvari. Plus that crazy Chris Cooper wants to see if he can't get it on with Spacey's character. Again, lots of songs to choose from, but this is the one that sticks with you.
  8. "Where is My Mind?", Fight Club (1999): "You met me at a very weird time in my life," Ed Norton tells Helena Bonham Carter at the end of the movie while this Pixies song plays and buildings explode all around them. This song would be #1 with a bullet if it would have been played during the scene where Carter fucks Brad Pitt and remarks, "I haven't been fucked like that since grade school."
  9. "Perfect Day", Trainspotting (1996): Ewan McGregor shoots up just a little too much, and somehow it feels like this Lou Reed song was written just for this scene alone.
  10. "2000 Man", Bottle Rocket (1996): Wes Anderson's debut, also brought the Wilson Brothers to mainstream movies. But he uses this old Rolling Stones tune underneath a robbery attempt gone wrong, complete with Owen Wilson getting busted. Again, it sounds like the Stones choreographed the music to fit the scene brilliantly.

Nick Cordle/Stripper Mugshots/Nick Cordle

Above is my lame contribution courtesy of The Smoking Gun. Unless you want me to post something exciting about straight-line depreciation, ya better quit ridin'me. When does Travisroastbeef start contributing?

Please feel free to keep commenting on the post below.


Monday, January 28, 2008

This Week's Sign That Rolling Stone is Bored

Rolling Stone is asking readers (the few that are left) to come up with the All-Time Greatest 80's Movie Songs. I can't remember what song was in Howard the Duck, but if "Holiday Road" by Lindsey Buckingham from National Lampoon's Vacation doesn't top the list, well then, the list doesn't really count now, does it?

Thursday, January 24, 2008

They're Dropping Like Flies

So we get a flurry of dead celebrities in the past week, and now everyone (everyone = Travis Roast Beef) claims they had at least one of these departed in the Death Pool. Travis lies like I play the french horn. He's now claiming to have picked an Ambien-stricken Heath Ledger over a year ago. Time to go to the tale of the tape on the new corpses:
  • Heath Ledger: Nobody had this guy pulling an Anna Nicole-Smith, not with the likes of Andy Dick and Colin Farrell still hanging around. All indications were that this guy was on the fast track to becoming another Leonardo DiCaprio, especially with a huge role as The Joker in the upcoming Batman movie (all of the scenes with Ledger are in the can and the movie is more or less ready to go, so no worries as far as The Dark Knight is concerned). Turns out Heath let loose in interviews that he was like the Ed Norton character in Fight Club, in that he couldn't sleep, so he went to the Ambien card. One Ambien is enough to knock you out all night (although former Husker All-American Jason Peter admitted to taking 20 Ambien once, along with Vicodin, and somehow lived through it and is doing fine now). Now Ledger's legacy is that he became a star for playing a Gay Cowboy. I probably wouldn't sleep either if I kept having flashbacks of making out with Jake Gyllenhaal. Plus, now it turns out he used to date that little minx Naomi Watts. It's all downhill from there kids. At any rate, nobody had this guy in the death pool. No way. (Oh, that same group that wanted to picket the victims of the Omaha Van Maur Shooting intends to do the same at Ledger's funeral. God must hate that group.)
  • Suzanne Pleshette: Somebody's probably been picking her in the pool ever since 1975, when her raspy voiced suggested somebody who was absolutely in LOVE with cigarettes. Best known for "The Bob Newhart Show" and the final episode of "Newhart". Turns out she got some face time with Hitchcock in The Birds. Decided after 40 years to finally marry Tom Poston in 2001. They've both gone to their great reward now (I for one had Tom Poston in the death pool when he was doing "Grace Under Fire"). No picket groups scheduled at her wake or funeral, but I'm guessing her friends from Marlboro will at least send some nice flowers.
  • Allan Melvin: Sorry, thought he died like 15 years ago. Best known as Sam the Butcher on "The Brady Bunch." Never got anywhere with Alice. Didn't even seem to really like Alice. I think he only visited the house occasionally so he could beat his meat to visions of Marcia.
  • Bobby Fischer: Wow, who knew that THIS was the happiest guy in the world on September 11, 2001. I figured he was just some really good chess player. I guess he was that, but he's also the guy who went on a Philippine radio station on 9/11 and said, "Fuck the United States, fuck the Jews, the Jews are a criminal people, they mutilate their children, they are murderous, criminal, thieving, lying, bastards. They made up the Holocaust, there's not a word of truth to it. They are the worst liars and bastards. And now, what goes around, comes around, they're getting it back, finally. Praise God... Hallelujah, this is a wonderful day. Fuck the United States. Cry, you crybabies! Whine, you bastards!" And yet people want to picket poor Heath Ledger's funeral.
  • Georgia Frontiere: Forever known as the first female to own an NFL team. I figured she went the way of Marge Schott about the same time Marge Schott bit the bullet. Had 7 husbands, one of whom gave her ownership of the Rams only to eventually get whacked by the mafia for not paying gambling debts (and they say the mob isn't involved with the NFL). She was the one who moved the Rams out of Los Angeles to her home town of St. Louis. Also made Dick Vermeil cry like a baby, but a lot of people has that on their resume. Lawrence Phillips took a lot of her money, put it all in a trash bag and threw it off some bridge. The woman lived a full life, but shame on us for not picking her in our little pool.
  • Brad Renfro: If anyone wants to make an argument that they had Renfro in the death pool, I'll listen because it seems as if he was destined to go very young. Didn't leave behind the most impressive body of work (although he was in one of my favorite movies, Ghost World). But let's just agree to not call Renfro or even Ledger for that matter "another James Dean." Jimmy Dean only did three movies, and all three are considered classics. Renfro was in a movie called Coat Pockets. His dying wouldn't have paid out all that much.

Friday, January 18, 2008

When You're A Jet, You're A Jet

It took almost two months, but ol' Billy C landed himself a gig, back in the NFL no less. Ladies and Gentlemen, your new Assistant Head Coach for the New York Jets. Eric Mangini, who's lone highlight of 2007 was garnering an appearance on the penultimate episode of The Sopranos, is happy to bring the little guy to the Meadowland. Callahan's lone highlight during his Nebraska tenure was obviously the fact that he never had to make eye contact with Dave Wannstedt.

Safe move for Billy C. He gets the desired "Get Out of Nebraska" card and gets back to where he still has at least a dwindling amount of respect. If shit goes sour, it's likely Mangini who will take the major criticism. Which means in 2010, your new head coach of the New York Jets is most likely going to be...our boy Billy C. And then he can hire Cosgrove as his defensive coordinator! CLICK TO READ ENTIRE POST!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

New Blood Coming In

We've added a new co-conspirator/contributor/partner to the site. Say hello to Bsmoked Turkey, a friend of ours from the other side. We're hoping our new boy muddies up the place considerably, with whatever he wants to post, whenever. If you don't like his stuff, well then it's all his fault. But we're sure you'll be pleased, as his last published post suggest that Roadhouse was the best bad movie of all-time. If anything, this site should be the best thing to hit the Internet since the Pilot-Tribune went on-line.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Wait A Second -- You Mean Pelini Might Actually Get PAID To Do All Of This?

One story that nobody has really been talking about during the whole Bo Pelini lovefest over the past month is that, uhm, he's been working since December 2nd at Nebraska WITHOUT a contract. All signs indicate that it's just sitting with TO, waiting for Pelini to put his "John Henry" on when he gets around to it and nobody's anticipating any problems. And really, since Pelini's already been anointed as the Second Coming, why would there be?

Makes you wonder though: What if Ohio State, you know, the school Pelini actually went to college at, got sick of the sweater vest after losing two straight title games, and decided to just put a feeler out to Pelini? Not saying it's going to happen, but with all the shit that goes on with college coaches this time of year, would anything truly surprise you? So pretty please, with sugar on top, sign the fucking contract. Who knows -- if this doesn't work out after four years, you could force the NU brass to fire you and walk away with $3 Million extra!

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Annual Val Kilmer Has Officially Lost His Mind Post

As George Costanza would say into Jerry's answering machine, "I've got nothing to say." Uhm, just go ahead and click here. Yes, that's Val Kilmer doing one incredibly awful cover of Neil Young's "After The Gold Rush", complete with updating the lyrics to include "the 21st Century." It gets better. Val is seriously shopping around record labels. Why this is the first we're hearing about this is anyone's guess. That first picture you see on his myspace page is the cover of Val's "record".

I guess the good news is Val has a lot of hot chicks as his "friends". CLICK TO READ ENTIRE POST!

Bowl Games Should All Be Done By January 2nd

What to make of an uneventful ending to a very exciting college football season while having to spend a couple of days in the worst state in America...
Nobody's got the right idea when it comes to a college football playoff system (especially after a mess like this year's going to end up like). But can we all agree that every Bowl Game, including the BCS Championship, should be played between December 15th through January 1st?
Because having to prolong games for another week -- when some don't mean anything unless oh, you're Mark Mangino -- doesn't make a lick of sense and only suggests that if things were wrapped up January 1st, what's another week or so to determine a true National Champion?
And here it is, January 5th, we've got another meaningless Bowl Game tomorrow and the BCS Title Game Monday. If there's no "playoff" and the rest of the world has moved on with their wicked little lives after the holidays, can't College Football at least join the rest of us? Let's have these Bowl Games over before January 2nd. Use some of those open Saturday afternoons during the NFL Season, since the pros obviously don't seem to want to play then anymore.
But as it is, we didn't get to have one final game between two undefeated juggernauts to settle things right, ala Texas/USC after 2005 or Nebraska/Florida following the 1995 season. Instead, next Tuesday, other than the Ohio State/LSU winner, here's a list of teams who have a legitimate gripe to thinking they should have (had) a shot at the title (especially if LSU and their two losses beat the Buckeyes):
  1. Kansas (stunner of all stunners, I figured Virginia Tech would absolutely destroy the Jayhwaks. Now you've got a one-loss team from one of the best conferences thinking they're ready for prime time. Yes, KU should have taken care of Missouri when they had the chance, but we also can't blame Mangino and Company that their dream season just "happened" to take place during a year when they didn't have to play Oklahoma and Texas -- which they will next year. After seeing what the Mangenius did against VT, you really have to wonder how he would have handled "Big Game Stoops" in the Big 12 title game.)
  2. USC (Pete Carroll is becoming our modern day Bear Bryant, you can't pick against him in big games, and go back and look at the schedule they played. Gamblers take note: Pete's philosophy is that if his team's should ever lose any big game, it won't be by much.)
  3. Georgia (put on a monster statement against an under matched Hawaii team who looked like they were still getting over the passing of Don Ho than being involved in a football game)
  4. West Virginia (everyone had "Big Game" Bob Stoops winning this game big, now it just looks like WV simply had that slip up against Pittsburgh -- and by the way, what was the last "Big Game" Stoops won? That National Championship he got against a clueless Bobby Bowden?)
  5. Missouri (The Tigers are more pissed off they didn't get a BCS game, and suggest that THEY would have sold out an Orange Bowl, unlike Kansas. Yes, they lost to Oklahoma twice, and they're behind USC, Georgia and WV in the complaint line, but unlike LSU, didn't Mizzou beat Arkansas and beat them up pretty bad?)

So we really haven't learned anything, at least what to do when nobody runs the table through the regular season. I think we can all agree that FOX television's coverage of these games has been absolutely horrific. Poor Jimmy Johnson, who's actually very good on television, looks like he's being forced to work a few extra days during the year and wondering where Terry and Howie are. I think I know members of these schools bands better than I do the players, what with all the reaction shots of them and...uhm...actually showing the bands during halftime??? Fox wakes up Pat Summerall once a year to do exactly...one game, and it sounds like he's calling it from his own bed. It's like college football television during the regular season is Bob Gibson, and they hand the ball off to Mitch Williams for the BCS Bowl games. After Gibby's given us eight brilliant innings, we get an overlong 9th from Wild Thing where we have no idea what the hell's going on.

For the record, you're pre-season top 2 were USC and LSU. Come Monday night, after a season of chaos, maybe everyone was right before the first snap. Other than the fact that Mangino's team didn't receive a single vote...