Friday, March 07, 2008

Jeremy Piven Loves to Be Hungover

Just how long have we been living in a world where people have just accepted that Jeremy Piven is going to be hungover in every single interview he does? I understand to an extent that
all of a sudden, John Cusack, who was your meal ticket for as long as anyone can remember, cuts the cord and really doesn't WANT you around him all the time (you know, like anywhere near that picture, for one), you're bumbed out and want to do nothing but drink. And drink some more. And get to the point where you get at least one person to say to you, "I've never seen anyone drink that much in my life!"
Turns out, yes, this REALLY is all part of who Jeremy is (but we're going with METH on why he's in that picture). As in THIS happens a lot with him:
  • "...and ordered, I think, 16 gallons of sake...Then we went out and I ordered tequila - there were four of us - and they brought it to us in test tubes... and my friends then told me they don't drink tequila...So twelve test tubes of tequila later... the DJ came out and said, 'I've never seen anyone drink that much...' The next thing I remember, it's 4:30 the next afternoon. I'm naked, the phone rings, and it's my publicist saying, 'You're back on. I'm in the lobby!'..."I ran to the sauna, did, you know, two pushups, drank some coffee, went on stage and I realized I was so hung over that the only move I had was to simulate malaria, so I told a story about malaria and passed out."

There are some parts of that where you would nod in disagreement. You know, like if it wasn't Jeremy Piven. Who, when he heard there were people growing "Writers Strike Beards" to show support to these people who write things for him (provided that he really does know how to read), said to himself, "Wow, writers are on STRIKE??? And that just means, well, I got a lot of time to do nothing but drink! And now I've got some reason to toss around in a positive manner as to why I look so disheveled and haggard the next day."

If you're looking as to how Entourage became an unwatchable train wreck that is now destroying HBO in the process, well, that picture says a lot.


TravisRoastBeef said...

Allright DL, I am a week out from my baseball draft. I need some sleeper picks or just plain guys to take higher. Everyone know who to take in the first couple rounds, I need those middle round guys that make or break a team. I am liking Milledge, Jacoby Ellsbury and I am all over D Willis as the 3rd starter in Detroit this year. I am also looking to get Phil Hughes late and Felipe Lopez has that whole 27 yr old thing going for him. Give me some inside tips, I need it like crack!

Dirtylaundry said...

NOW we're talking, something I can actually help out with as I have a draft next weekend as well. Wow, we get to talk sleeper fantasy baseball picks AND crack, of course you're coming to me:

Re: DWillis. I'll just come right out and tell you this. There are a lot of guys who are saying "I am all over D Willis in Detroit" as well, and you don't want to be one of those guys. This one has disaster written all over it. A disaster like 9-16, 5.42 ERA, 1.25 WHIP. If you need those 9 wins but will take hits other places because you're realing dialed in on D Willis (and frankly, speed will take you right to that place), you did that one all by yourself.

Here's a gem, and a "Not Just Because He's Suddenly A Royal" Gem: My friend who works for the Cleveland Indians (actually, he's the guy who sold the naming rights to the stadium for the next 30 years, it's now Progressive Field, so when you hear it called that, well you got something) told me that one of his co-workers used the words, "Bet the farm on Brett Tomko to win 15 games." Now if there ever was a sleeper pick, as in nobody else would think to draft him but you could use as say your last pick, maybe think about the name Brett Tomko. You'll get a lot of WTF stares, but you stay Michael Coleone and calm on those pricks. Now THAT one is some insider shit.

The 3rd starter you want is A.J. Burnett of the Blue Jays, who remember is in Canada so being there will actual help him with his pain problems (ask Chris Berman). A lot of people have been burned on Burnett too many times to want to try him again. Canada drug jokes aside, when he did come back off the DL last year, he was incredible and those who had him had themselves a steal. And oh by the way, even Petey Gammons is thinking Burnett could cloud up the normal Yankees/Red Sox will always rule the Al East thing.

There are two DH's who are being labeled sleepers. One obvious one is Billy Butler, and he'll go too early if you have a Royals fan in your league, but have him on your radar. The other one is Jack Cust, Oakland. If there is a sequel to Moneyball in the works, this is one of Billy Beane's hidden gems, and if you google Jack Cust, sleeper fantasy baseball picks, there are a lot of sites who agree.

Kahlil Greene, San Diego. Seriously, if you want a shortstop who is going to hit 30 homers. Not a lot of people know that. Go Ron Burgandy and think San Diego.

Brad Lidge, now a Phillie. Ruined too many fantasy owners team's in the past. And I mean he really Bill Callahan'd there teams in a big way, so they've written him off. He hit the lottery, and by lottery we mean in his world, 45 fairly easy saves on a good team.

Alex Gordon, Royals. There's a reason that Dayton Moore kept him in KC all season last year instead of putting him in Omaha when he struggled. He's handling Alex with baby mittens, and knows from John Schuerholz that a stud prospect taking his lumps for one year = incredible results the next year. And by the way, Alex really GOT it in the 2nd half last year. Unfortunately, he was a Husker, so some other people in your league will take a flyer on him just for that reason alone.

Dusin McGowan, Tornto, SP. Suffered through him last year with the idea that, like Gordon, he'd explode this year. A nice little nugget to have if you're stuck on that next to last pick...

(BTW, where the fuck is that picture of Flynn? I sort of forgot about it because I just assumed it was a done deal, but, uhm, seriously, get that done.)

Surprised as a Cub fan that you haven't at least TYPED (because you can't shout out) the name Kosuke Fukudome. Because if he became a star and you were the Cubs fan who had him in your fantasy league, wouldn't you be the one who was having one fun summer. (OOH -- and as Cubs fan, you already know about staying away from Felix Pie, right?)

Hiroki Kuroda, LA Dodgers. If he hits, ESPN will credit the genius of Joe Torre, when really is Japan again realizing that their stars can come here and hit the jackpot fairly easily. Just ask, oh Ichiro or Dice Kay.

For fun pick, Ray Liotta, KC. Yep, he's REALLY related to our man Ray Liotta, which makes his original HOF credibility hold up even more, because that means crazy way could be working his way to Kauffman, if not Rosenblatt.

Re: Crack. Evidently, you can convince a doctor that you have ADD, and they'll find a way to actually write you a prescription for something that if you really DON'T have ADD, will wire you up like Quinten Tarantino thinking about Uma Thurman. I'd try that.

TravisRoastBeef said...

3 big Cubs fan in my league, so Fukudome is destined to go to early like all the Cubs players do. I will keep my eye on Tomko, I am sure he will be a free agent long after the draft. Burnett is actually ranked pretty high on my cbssportsline fantasy site. Also, we get fielding credit and dont require a DH( 9 player positions) so very few DH's make the cut, outside of Ortiz and Hafner. Im all over Khalil Greene. BTW, when the Fuck is Brian Roberts going to be a Cub?