- "Dyuh, dyuh, dyuh's": Canadian aspirin with a little bit of codine in it just to give it a little pop. Berman was having a bad night and popped four of these during a Jets game. He says, "You always hope for at least one Blue Jay game a year" so he can stock up on these because their only $10 a bottle in Canada, but "here you gotta spend $100 and get a prescription." I mean, he literally tells you how to sneak it past the border. Yes, Mackenzie and I are planning a trip to Toronto for a Royals/Blue Jays and Jays/Yanks series later this summer.
- The two truly Hank Kingsley-esque videos: One where Berman openly flirts with a young lady named Rebecca who's quitting, and then one where he goes over plans for two touring groups, one with a bunch of kids and one with senior citizens. I mean, these are right out of "Larry Sanders."
In other great news, our long national nightmare is over: Mike Sweeney is officially no longer a Royal. I was happier than the '72 Dolphins after this year's Super Bowl when I got the news. The only sad guy was that bastard Jimmy Gobble: "It's going to be sad when camp starts and Sweeney doesn't get up and give a motivational speech." Yeah Jimmy, because it worked so great over the past 10 years, didn't it? Sweeney made former Royals skipper Tony Muser demand the team go out and get drunk because he was tired of all the "milk and cookies shit." To which Muser got the somewhat original nickname "Milk and Cookies" and then got fired a few months later. The only bizarre thing about Sweeney's exit is where he's going: Oakland. I mean, this isn't the sort of thing Billy Beane would do. But he sure has picked the Royals pockets before (Johnny Damon, Jermaine Dye, the white courtesy phone please).
Now I just learned that last year, Beane banned booze from the A's clubhouse because of some rowdy off-the-field shit that spilled over after his team got liquored up after a game. I guess Mikey and his Milk and Cookies finally found his true home.
Oh, and uhm, it looks like poor Carrie Underwood has a stalker from Blair. And look who's coming to Omaha on May 14th.