Friday, December 14, 2007

How The Rocket Really Launched After 38

I've always maintained that I could really give two shits as to who did what drugs in any sport. Amphetamines have been rampant in baseball for many, many decades (although some will maintain truthfully that they had something called a PRESCRIPTION for those things). And I also wouldn't be -- and wasn't -- surprised about any name that came up on that now infamous Mitchell List. (OK, I giggled and was a bit took back about seeing poor little Chuck Knoblauch's name on there, but doesn't this now make all the sense in the world about why he was always over-throwing the first baseman and nearly killed Keith Olbermann's old mother while she was sitting in the stands with one of his overthrows?)

Then Deadspin went through the million page pdf and posted the now classic 9-pages of what was in there regarding Roger Clemens. Titled "Roger Clemens Gets A Shot in The Ass", I started to read from page one, and couldn't stop. I had to print the entire 9-pages and have something entertaining to read on the shitter. What I had was the most entertaining thing I've read since I was handed the Grandmother's Restaurant Employee Handbook in 1992. The happiest I've been reading anything since the first time I read The Catcher in The Rye.

The Clemens piece has everything. Jose Canseco's book gets footnoted. Who the hell would have ever thought that would ever happen in ANY report? An article Peter Gammons was footnoted, the one where Gammons studied Clemens training past the age of forty, and naively stated, "I can't believe the energy this guy has." But it's just so in-depth as to what Clemens actually did.

Admittedly, I've always hated Roger Clemens with every drop of blood I have. I hated him in Boston. Thought him in Toronto was always weird, but somewhat admired at the time, as a friend of mine who I KNOW was an avid steroid user, would always point out how incredible of a pitcher he had rebuilt himself to be. And then going to the Yankees just proved Clemens was the devil to me. The day Clemens went to New York, all of the Yankee Haters got their groove back on. Oh sure, before Clemens donned pinstripes, even we Yankee Haters were somewhat pleased with the 1996 and 1998 teams because of Joe Torre, because Derek Jeter was this up-and-coming energy guy who you wanted to be the next Mickey Mantle. We were even OK with Paul O'Neill's intensity. And we loved David Wells because he pitched a perfect game hungover, and David Cone because he was a former Royal. Hell, at the time Royals fans weren't that upset with the Yankees because it seemed as if the Royals didn't even want to win.

Then Rocket and his "new" trainer and his needles came to the Bronx. All of a sudden Jeter's fist-pumping became annoying. Wells had been traded to the Blue Jays for Clemens himself. The Yankees went back to being the Hated Yankees, sure because they always won, but mainly because of Clemens. So reading these 9-pages is, in a way, like reading about your worst enemy getting gang raped by prison thugs.

I'm still OK that Phil Hiatt was involved with this mess. That poor chap needed all the edge he could get. But you have to wonder how many champagne bottles Brady Anderson popped yesterday when he repeatedly looked over that list and couldn't find his name anywhere. He had to be like a kid first hearing that school was closed, and then went to every radio, TV station and internet site just to see it over and over again.

8 comments:

Mac said...

OK, sure, sure, Rocket gets a downgrade...but as this Slate article points out, what about fucking Billy Beane who you've carried a hard-on for God knows when: http://www.slate.com/id/2180070/fr/flyout

If Rocket and Bonds are out of the Hall of Fame, altho I don't see why they should be, why let in your boy who spun rampant steroid use as supposed economic innovation?

Motherfucker!

Dirtylaundry said...

Agreed, Billy Beane looked the other way on A LOT of his players. That's been known for sometime. But Beane is definitely no rat, and he'll never name names. And hell, he's the only one who might sign Bonds for next season.

What's more chilling to me is to go back and look at the 2000 American League Playoffs, and the 2000 World Series. Go to baseball-reference.com and look at what Rocket did against the Mariners in the ALCS, and then the whole bat-throwing (now roid-rage) incident against the Mets in the series. There's a strong case to be made that the Yanks don't make the Series, and then win it, without Rocket that year. Therefore, the first World Series of our lifetime that's REALLY tainted, because we have documented evidence that the fucking bastard juiced that very year.

With Knoblauch, Canseco...

TravisRoastBeef said...

Funny the lack of Red Sox players on that list/ Have anything to do with Mitchells connection to the club?

Mac said...

You're dead on Roast Beef: not only is the list lacking in Red Sox heroes but includes an array of Red Sox Nation's most hated -- Rocket, Mo Vaughn, Eric Gagne...I'm not usually one for conspiracy theories but having a member of the Red Sox board run this commission is almost as bad as it would be to make an ex-owner Baseball's Commissioner...oh wait

Dirtylaundry said...

You fucking Yankee fans are too predictable. First of all, Mo Vaughn is still beloved in Boston (he's their last MVP). Mike Stanton was on the list. Jose Canseco was in Beantown, albeit for a cup of coffee. As big and in-depth as the list is, it does scratch the surface, and Trav should be happy that some clubhouse attendee didn't come clean about his beloved Cubbies. Other than Gracie and Bartman, that locker room could have been filled with Sosa's needles.

TravisRoastBeef said...

I wish the hell a couple Cub's would have been busted with their pants down, At least then we would know they actually give a shit about winning. btw, rumor has it Cubs play the AL east this year in interleague,,,all teams but Boston and NY, I guess that's good for W's but Tor. Bal and TB arent really sexy interleague games.

Dirtylaundry said...

I expect this sort of low-hanging fruit picking form of bitching from Mackenzie. But Trav, if you want to hit the Hooch this Christmas, you gotta come heavy. You KNOW we would have had at least 9 pages of shit on Sosa, but the "urban legend" on Sammy is that it wasn't illegal for him to get the shit he was getting. Or, wink, wink, where he was getting it from, wink, wink.

But I don't think Sammy ever wanted to win, he just wanted to hit a bunch of home runs and mug to the camera. If he really cared about winniing, he would have shown it more in 2003. I'm still pissed that it wasn't the Cubs that beat the Yankees in that World Series. Think about how different Mark Prior's life would be right now if he would have gotten that out in the 7th inning, and the Cubs went to the series.

God no wonder you all hate Bartman.

TravisRoastBeef said...

How can you hate a guy who one year does commercial's for every freakin product including a video game where Sammy say's "It's So reaaall" then steps in front of Congress and forget's how to say shit in english. As crazy as this sounds the only one who comes out less shitty smelling than when he went in is Canseco. And for good measure, Im thinking Kevin Youkilas is on roids.