Thursday, March 06, 2008

Blair News of The Week

This is too fucked up, even for me:

Justin R. Flynn, 37, Blair, Intimidation by phone call, Dismissed.

In the interest of full disclosure, I made a vow some time ago to not be the one to break the news to Flynn about the whole caller ID thing because explaining the whole process would have been the Lord's work. And by "Lord", I really mean "Someone who was willing to console a sobbing skinny bastard who refused to get over the idea that he wouldn't be able to call Tawnya Roberts at 3am anymore". I guess I just assumed he'd stumble on it in his own way. My bad.

And sometimes, these things just write themselves:

David A. Bloemer, 38, Blair, Overweight on axle or group of axles, $75 fine.

I know the question you're asking yourself and the answer is Yes. I'd like to have a shirt just like the guy on the right in that picture above.


TravisRoastBeef said...

This is Breaking news, shouldnt get a reporter on the scene to dig deeper into this story, see what kind of threats have been made, what kind of strings were pulled to get this thing dismissed?

Dirtylaundry said...

Yes. I'm relying on a lot of people to tell me what when down in the courtroom to have them throw out the Flynn case, because your first impression when you get a good look at him is..."Christ! Intimidation by phone caller! That's HIM!" He couldn't sit in front of anyone and even suggest with a straight face, "I had a few too many at the Corner, was just fooling around, come on we all did this in high school ALL THE TIME."

That Bloemer thing, well, I guess there are worse things that a guy from Blair can be labeled with other than shitting your pants in front of all of your class mates.

Like "Overweight on axle or group of axles while shitting your pants in front of all of your class mates". That would do it.

BSmokedTurkey said...

1. Who the Hell is in that photo (which will haunt my nightmares along w/ Mac abusing himself to MC Alonso)?

2. Who is Bloemer?

3. I've narrowed it down to whatever is in the "Now Playing" widow that's blowing out my wi-fi every time I visit the main page.

4.Looking forward to your birthday extravaganza Travisroastbeef.

Dirtylaundry said...

I hope Travis understands that I fully EXPECT him to come up with further developments regarding this Flynn situation by close of business Friday. I mean, that HAS to happen, he can probably get this done in less than five minutes. Trav, you literally TALK with people on a daily basis who know exactly what went down, and we need this done.

Because we all know what it's like to have somebody bust you out on an obscene phone call (Oh, maybe that's just me who knows what that's like). But to actually have somebody get the POlice involved, that is just taking it beyond another level. Which means he did something really fucked up, so you get something on this for us, and make sure it's GOOD and fucked up.

And one more thing: Would it really hurt you (again I'm talking to Trav here, but anyone else who can help in this area, please jump right in) to just walk over to that Farm and take a picture of him? You could even imitate Gene Wilder from Blazing Saddles and give him the old, "Lookie what I got here" card, but instead of pulling out Cleavon Little looking for white women, you tell him you've got Tawnya, NAKED in your car. I'm telling you, he'll be happy enough that you gave him that visual, he'll have no clue that you even were there with a camera and snapped a quick photo. You could probably even get away with taking two pictures.

I mean, I don't ask for much here. That'd be a nice relaxing lunch break, I almost want to hit town and do it myself now. But I'm guessing he has no fucking clue who you are, so you'll get a better look out of him. And if you know each other, it'll still make for a great moment and picture. Invite him over to your little birthday shindig. Think of how much more fun that will be with a picture of Flynn!

Dirtylaundry said...

Bsmoked, I had no idea we had "NOW PLAYING" thing on here, I just signed on to put some nice youtube videos on here if you wanted to look at them (No, sadly Marisa's magic moment - or really it's Phillip Seymour Hoffman's Magic Moment -- isn't on youtube, YET).

You alerted me to that fact that some wild young hooligan, who it turns out has my DNA, has magically discovered a way to save HIS favorite Youtube videos on here, and we got us some "Bon Voyage Charlie Brown" clip and really a pretty good amateur video of Barry Bonds hitting his 756th homer (I gave him props on that one).

It's probably time to remove that little gadget from here and figure out some better way to show off those things, because it looks like those bastards from Widget are fucking things up for everyone. No need to go all Flynn on them, but they've given us enough now, we've got bigger fish to fry.


TravisRoastBeef said...

Sorry dude, I know Flynn, I will try to see what kind of dirt I can get on him, but I am sure it was just threatening an ass-kicking. Either way, this cannot be a fun conversation for brother Scott to have in the teachers lounge.

Dirtylaundry said...

Wait a second...

1. You KNOW Flynn?
2. Now you're telling me that Scott's in town?

I knew it, we'd eventually get some nice nuggets from this thing.

Wait, and SCOTT FLYNN is some sort of teacher? I'm thinking: Shop class.

TravisRoastBeef said...

TravisRoastBeef said...

All right, here is the Dirt on Justin Flynn, but first I want to let you know if you google Justin Flynn this site comes up first, which shows you what kind of pull we have around here. But onto the infraction, looks like Justin has some serious explaining to do to the Blair Basketball club and this could get hairy because we all know how Joe Unsted feels about threatening phone calls, about the same as he feels about banging chicks and hygeine, totally against it. Now, I think I know where Justin's anger comes from, because I know Justin a little bit and never saw this coming, I have always thought him to be a good guy. Apparantly Flynn is still pretty torn up about the Van Halen break up and even went as far as to sign a petition to get the group together - - he is the first entry on the page and comments are "Just do it". This is totally understandable to me, I mean come on DL can you imagine what type of phone calls you would be making if the Eagles broke up....... Now, I do have some dirt on one Zach Erickson, who has frequented the paper more than Joan Thompson of Herman who recently had dinner guests from Fremont, how could you not include that troublemaker into your news of the week?

Dirtylaundry said...

We can't go to the Joe Unsted card, because the next thing you know, we'll have Nockels coming around here.

We need a little bit more regarding what you've got about that phone call:

1. Are we talking Blair Boys or GIRLS basketball here, because with Flynn, it really could be either one.
2. did he get out of having to pay the fine?

You need to do a post on Zach Erickson, because I have NO clue what his out mixing up. But be prepared: We'll have all sorts of Williby's leaving comments then.

notorious DEK said...

I just found the Flynn section of that paper and would have to imagine that it is related to this similat one on the same day:

Timothy I. Grace, 51, No address given, Intimidation by phone call, $250 fine.

Mr. Grace does have 2 daughters, and said daughters may be the source of all this anger infesting the telephone lines in Blair.

On a side note, Flynn used to work for my company in the American CHURCH list divsion. He no longer is employed here. Perhaps this phone call had something to do with it. Maybe he was doin a little freelance missionary work.

Another observation you missed was in the same issue of the enterprise.

Robert L. Williby, 31, Blair, Assault by mutual consent, $300 fine.

perhaps the trunk knows more about this...