The Other Billy C

"I'm done with all of those award shows, except for those featuring the delightful Billy Crystal."
--Bart Simpson, The Simpsons, 1993, with finger firmly held on the sarcasm button

"Billy Crystal would suck a cock to win a sack race."
--Artie (Rip Torn), The Larry Sanders Show, around the same time.

Here's another great piece dissing the delightful Billy Crystal (it's quite a blog by the way, be blogger's have to stick together). Since it's Oscar night, we figure it's only fitting to blow the other Billy C's cover, especially in regards to Bruno Kirby.

Kirby also appeared in many episodes of The Larry Sanders Show. A memorable exchange:

Bruno Kirby: I was in "The Godfather".
Hank Kingsley: I don't think so.
Bruno Kirby: I was in "The Godfather Part 2".
Hank Kingsley: Oh see, I only saw part 3, the good one.

By the way, there are two infamous myths that Crystal's people have started that should probably be dispelled:

1. He's begged to do the Oscars every year. If that's the case, then why in the past few years have we seen David Letterman, Steve Martin, Chris Rock, even Jon Stewart, Whoopi Goldberg and now Ellen? It's because they want somebody new to work out. If Crystal was really the legend he thinks he is, then he'd be like Bob Hope or Johnny Carson and actually host the fucking thing every year. I can't think of one generation that thinks Crystal is some sort of legend. I don't hear anybody wishing the "delightful" Billy Crystal would have hosted afterwards. You definitely won't hear it tomorrow.
2. He stayed up all night with Bob Costas to help him write the eulogy for Mickey Mantle's funeral, which Costas read eloquently and to wide acclaim. The whole thing is even available at a website called eulogywriters.com (who knew?). Unfortunately, Costas hasn't come out and called Crystal out on this, primarily because Bob's not the sort to cause waves. This one might still be up for debate, but it's just like Crystal to jump on something like this.

One more great exchange from Larry Sanders, this one from the final episode:

Bruno Kirby: (trying to break up a fight between Greg Kinnear and Tom Petty) Be nice to him. He's an Academy Award Nominated actor.
Tom Petty: For what? Talk Soup?