Obscure Movie of the Week "High School USA"

Set in a senior high school class, J.J. (Michael J. Fox) pursues the girlfriend of a rival from a higher clique which culminates in a race at the end of the movie between the two rivals in this light comedy.Also stars everyones favorite child star gone bad Todd Bridges. This was apparently a pilot for an NBC sitcom. The network envisioned stand-up comedian Joel Hodgson as one of the stars of the proposed series. Hodgson turned the offer down. Also playing roles are Anthony Edwards and Crispin Glover. The cast is comprised of many former child stars. Tony Dow from "Leave It to Beaver" plays the principal. Angela Cartwright from "Make Room for Daddy" and "Lost in Space" plays a teacher, as does Dwayne Hickman from "Dobie Gillis", and the school janitor is played by David Nelson, former star of "Ozzie and Harriet". Even Dana Plato plays a key role as does Barry Livingston. Shit even the late Bob Denver plays a part in this movie. To give you an ideal how lame this Movie had to be, here is one of IMDB's quotes from the movie.

Jay-Jay Manners: Hey, Bandini, what's the matter?
Crazy Leo Bandini: I don't know. My toes are killing me.
Jay-Jay Manners: Uh, that's because you've got your shoes on the wrong feet.
Crazy Leo Bandini: No, I don't. These are my feet.

Apparantly this was the TV version of those Bazooka Joe comics you use to get with your bubble gum. I never personally saw this movie, but I am pretty sure I can walk myself through it based on all the other lame 80's high school movies from back then. CLICK TO READ ENTIRE POST!

Obscure Movie Of The Week: Sleep With Me (1994)

This is the movie that is mainly remembered for Quentin Tarantino's cameo in which he explains how Top Gun is actually the biggest homosexual movie ever, detailing all of it's homoerotic subtext to Todd Field's character at a party. It's also the first film where Parker Posey shows us her tits.

Sleep with Me is a bizarre love triangle of a movie with a simple premise. Joseph (Eric Stoltz) marries Sarah (Meg Tilly, in what looks like one of her final roles), oblivious to the fact that his best friend Frank (Craig Sheffer) has been in love with her his entire life. And from the beginning, it seems that Sarah's a lot more interest in Frank than she is Joseph. Well, that's because she is.

Joseph and Sarah are too young to get married. Joseph seems to think his engagement is nothing but an excuse to throw a big party. Both are happy with all of the friends in their lives, including Athena (Parker Posey), who seduces Joseph, and Pamela (the late Adrienne Shelly, who steals every scene in the film). But Sarah is really happy to have her true soul mate Frank around. She even privately confesses her feelings to him at her rehearsal dinner, while Joseph is busy trying to find new ways to get smashed out of his mind. In fact, we never see Joseph (Stoltz in perfect form as he always is) show anything resembling loving feelings towards his life. And really how can he with the likes of Parker Posey and Joey Lauren Adams crashing his poker party? Frank comes off as sympathetic, even though he covets his best friend's wife, because it's implied he'd be the better husband.

Six different writers wrote different parts of the movie. Tilly, Smoltz and Sheffer do most of the heavy lifting, but it helps to have Posey and company as strong support. All of the characters seem extremely real. And then we get to the final scene and finally meet a guy named Sid, who you'd never expect to hang out with this group.

Sid would be the film geek played by Tarantino. Even the people who write "Sleep With Me" off remember Tarantino's scene. It's his only scene, and he's there to dissect the homosexual movie that is "Top Gun." Yes, his monologue has become the stuff of legend, but Tarantino paid a big price for it. Turns out the "Gay Top Gun" scene was written by QT's old friend and writing partner Roger Avary. No matter what story you choose to believe, Avary did actually co-write "Pulp Fiction" with Quentin, and was even on stage with him at the 1995 Oscars to accept his Best Original Screenplay award (where, in a moment that was funny and also a jab at awards favorite Forrest Gump, Avary told the world he really had to go pee). Roger Avary intended to use the "Top Gun" monologue in one of his own movies. Tarantino barked it out in "Sleep With Me" without Avary's permission or even knowledge. Stoltz, who around the same time starred in Avary's Killing Zoe, told Roger about the incident before the film was released. So began the fall out between the two writers, which is a shame because Tarantino and Avary seem to work better together than they do alone.

"Sleep With Me" also marks the final theatrical release of Meg Tilly's career, which is a shame because she's miles ahead of her crazy sister Jennifer in terms of talent. While we're saddled with Jennifer ruining movies, Meg has officially retired from acting. This may not be the equivalent of Ted Williams homering in his final at bat. More like John Kruk getting a base hit in his last trip to the plate, only to retire a few years too early. At least she can still go to sleep nights with the knowledge that she isn't JENNIFER Tilly.

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Obscure Movie Of The Week: The Jazz Singer (1980)

"There are two types of people in this world. Those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don't" --Bob 'Bobby' Wiley (Bill Murray), What About Bob, 1991.

Three things regarding Neil Diamond surprised me this week after listening to his new album Home Before Dark:

1. Neil's never had a number 1 album, although that little fact changes in a big way next week as his new album is slated to become his first.


2. Neil isn't the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (I assumed this was a given, more on that later)


3. The first ever winner of the Razzie Award for Worst Actor in a movie was given to one Neil Leslie Diamond for The Jazz Singer.

Regarding the last one, I assumed Neil was critically panned for the only movie he's been in where he isn't portraying himself. I'm just surprised that Neil was the award's first ever recipient, although after seeing the movie, one wonders if the Razzie's themselves weren't invented just for Neil's attempt at an acting career.

The movie was a horrible idea from the start. As charismatic -- and often cheesy -- as Neil tends to be performing his music, he's timid and awkward in the role of Jess Robin. Roger Ebert mentions that Neil spends most of the film "looking at people's third shirt buttons, as if he can't be bothered to meet their eyes and relate with them." That's about right, although it is worth mentioning that at one time, while on tour Diamond's contract rider stated that anyone caught looking at him or making eye contact was to be fired. Robin is a Jewish cantor in his father's synagogue, but still has dreams of moving from New York to Los Angeles in the hopes of hitting it big in the music industry. This sort of nonsense gets cold water thrown on it by Robin's father, played by....Laurence Olivier???

It needs to be mentioned that it this point in his distinguished acting career, Olivier had gone completely batshit nuts. In fact, he performs this movie with some bizarre, seemingly made-up accent with broken English, going out of his way to ham it up with every scene. Olivier would famously call the movie "This piece of shit" just after filming it. He'd later apologize to director Richard Fleischer, writing him a handwritten ten-page letter to give an explanation as to why he was making so many movies strictly for the money. That has to be the only reason Sir Laurence took time for this. His character says he "haff no son" upon learning Jess is getting a divorce.

What Papa Robin doesn't realize is that when the opportunity presents itself, his son will perform with an all-black singing group. In an all-black club. Wearing BLACKFACE! He's busted as the "white guy" by a heckler played by an up-and-coming Ernie Hudson. So maybe a life 3,000 miles away would do the boy good (never mind the fact that at the time, Diamond himself was almost 40-years old). Jess needs to leave his wife and babbling idiot of a father for the riches that come with becoming a rock star (the Robin family's motto is that Jewish cantor's are poor because....God is poor). When he gets to LA, Jess immediately meets the woman (Lucie Arnaz) who has his dreams mapped out perfectly.

Jess gets in a minor fight with his new girlfriend, decides to hitchhike, take up smoking, grow a beard and play at seedy honkytonks for an entire year. When he finally returns, everything is right in the world as "Hello Again" plays while Jess finds Arnaz's character waiting for him...with a brand new baby boy, which we are just to assume is his. Which is a good thing because his father accepts Jess again because he's given him a grandson. And of course Jess becomes a major star. He becomes Neil Diamond.

There are those who swear by this movie, despite just how awful it is. Search for "Neil Diamond" in youtube, and you'll see the polarizing effect he has on people with the many comments on any video. You don't want to piss Neil fan off. These people are the reason there's a 25th Anniversary deluxe edition of "The Jazz Singer". They like the fact that "Hello Again" is played at least four times during the movie. The soundtrack also gives us other Neil signature tunes like "Love On The Rocks" and his over-the-top anthem "America". So I think a lot of people are confusing their fondness for the movie's songs with the content of the movie. Many of the scenes in "The Jazz Singer" were were ad-libbed on the spot without any idea where they would be placed. The film went through two directors (Sidney J. Furie was the original hire), and Diamond had a hard time getting worked up for a scene where he has an argument with Arnaz. Oddly enough, Diamond made his band perform a Barry Manilow song to get him filled with enough rage to pull off the scene.

So acting wasn't in the cards for Neil Diamond. He's had a music career like nobody else. Many immediately think of Neil as an adult contemporary softy. But he's loved in all walks of music. He sang "Dry Your Eyes" in The Last Waltz with The Band during their last concert. Urge Overkill famously covered "Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon" in Pulp Fiction. So he's got a lasting legacy in movies without "The Jazz Singer". Neil's now gone the Johnny Cash route, collaborating with producer Rick Rubin for a second album. Rubin strips away the gloss and sentimentality that usually follows Neil, and his music is better than ever. Yes, there are those who like Neil and those who don't. Then there are also those who compare Neil to Elvis, notably when it comes to "Sweet Caroline". The King used to cover "Sweet Caroline" on tour towards the end of his career, and die-hard Neil Diamond faithful will have none of it. These are the Neil fans who have a soft spot in their heart for "The Jazz Singer".

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Obscure Movie Of The Week: Kill Me Again (1989)

Not just a great reason to post that picture of Val Kilmer, but also a good time to give the link to Maxim's great article on the 15-year anniversary of True Romance. It's three pages of fun to click through. Interesting to note the two biggest stars to emerge from that now cult classic are Brad Pitt and James Gandolfini. But that movie's never been obscure. Kill Me Again, and earlier Val Kilmer effort, is. And it's directed by John Dahl, who also gave us the previously mentioned classic The Last Seduction. Oh, and Michael Madsen's got a pivotal role.

This is Dahl's directorial debut, and it's in the same genre as "Seduction. And just like "Seduction", Kill Me Again only found a life after garnering critical acclaim. The original studio shelved the film, and only received limited release following the positive reviews. The movie's a major turning point in Kilmer's life. It's the second movie he made with now ex-wife Joanne Whalley, and, if you believe Kilmer's interviews, the movie where he loaned Michael Madsen money on the set and didn't get it back for years. But on to the actual film. Whalley plays Fay Forrester, a character cut from the same cloth as Bridget Gregory/Wendy Kroy from "Seduction". Fay and her man Vince (a never better Michael Madsen) have just swiped $800,000. In full Bridget Gregory mode, she gets in a fight with Vince over the money, and winds up tracking down Private Investigator Jack Andrews (Kilmer) for help. Fay wants Jack to help her fake her own death. In return, Jack gets $5K up front, and $5K when she's "dead".

Jack's got his own problems. In fact, he just lost his right pinkie finger because he owes big money to big time loan sharks, so he not only sees this as a nice pay check, but he becomes mighty attracted to Fay. So you know where this thing's going. Yes, the $800,000 belongs to the same goons Jack has on his payroll. So Jack concocts a scheme to declare Fay dead, only to have Vince find her still alive. So now you've got a crazed Michael Madsen after Fay, the money, and now poor Jack. Imagine the Madsen character from Reservoir Dogs and you know what you're getting from him here. In fact, I'm sure movie geek Quentin Tarantino saw this movie and knew he had to cast Madsen in Dogs.

Kill Me Again is not nearly as clever as "Seduction", but Dahl does get that star making performance from Madsen. He's over-the-top, sadistic, and everything you'd come to expect from him playing a low-life. And Whalley, who's good but not Linda Fiorentino good, keeps you riveted enough to pay special attention. She does have a doe-eyed sweetness to her that adds to her performance. Kilmer's performance is unique for him. You can see Kilmer actually TRY not to exude any sort of charisma at times, but he can't help himself.

Unlike "Seduction", our girl doesn't get away with the whole thing. It's a nice debut from Dahl, who cuts his teeth here before frying bigger fish with his next two movies, Red Rock West and The Last Seduction. But this movie's extremely re-watchable an a suitable beginning for a director who specializes in the attention to detail required to make a decent film noir. Yes, Kilmer was a whole lot thinner then, and frankly I'd like to see he and Madsen appear in more movies together. Yes, they were both in The Doors, but if Madsen finally paid Kilmer that money back, it's certainly time for them to reconnect on film. Because as great as both can be in movies, it sounds like they're both equally as nuts off camera. Director (if you can call him that) Joel Schumacher called Kilmer a "psychologically disturbed human being." In fact, Schumacher calls Val "the most psychologically troubled human being (he's) ever worked with." Kilmer, who at least one point in time lived in New Mexico, admitted to owning a gun because he lived in the "homicide capital of the Southwest and 80 percent of the people in my county are drunk."

I say put Kilmer and Madsen and Ray Liotta in a movie with Linda Fiorentino. Have the equally nuts David O. Russell direct. You won't even need to bother with a script for that thing. CLICK TO READ ENTIRE POST!

Obscure Movie of the Week: The Indian Runner

Trav lets us in on perhaps the first movie filmed in and around Blair -- directed by Sean Penn no less -- right after the jump...

As a Junior in High School it was big, no Huge news that Hollywood and Blair Nebraska Would finally unite. After a huge roll by Sean Penn as a young, cocky, racist cop in Colors he would now take to the directors chair in 1991's The Indian Runner. Filming was being done in the Washington County area on a film Base upon Bruce Springsteins "Highway Patrolman, but ultimatly a gratuitous scan of a rusty, metal train bridge riddled with grafiti was all that was not left on the cutting room floor. This movie had long left my memory untill it was recently brought to my attention that Aragorn was in this movie(Viggo Mortenson). Amazingly, also was Dennis Hopper, Paticia Arquette, Charles Bronson and Benicio Del Torro. It was widely known that Penn did not make the trip to Blair for filming, but maybe, just maybe Viggo had a cup of cofee at Billy Blair's Maple Cafe, and who knows, Maybe Benicio bought envelopes at the Blair Book Store.
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Obscure Movie of The Week: The Last Seduction (1994)

No, it's not THAT obscure, but on my Top 5 list of all-time favorite movies, this one has a permanent spot. And before diving into a movie that features one of the most unforgettable performances by a female, there's some necessary background as to how this thing almost became very obscure. The Last Seduction couldn't find a distributor when it made the film festival circuit back in 1994, and instead wound up playing on HBO (late at night no less, and remember, this was when HBO wasn't a big player, this was still five years before The Sopranos or Sex and The City) a few times before unprecedented critical acclaim -- especially for star Linda Fiorentino's marvel of a performance -- gave the movie a small run in theaters. And if you haven't seen it yet, by all means, stop reading and rent the DVD, Netflix it or whatever you need to do, because really you're better off not knowing anything about the film before you see it.

I was one of the few to actually get a chance to see it in a theater (at the Mary Riepma Ross Theatre in Lincoln no less, it wasn't playing anywhere else), and at the time, I couldn't quite figure out who Linda Fiorentino was. She looked familiar enough, but it seemed like she came from out of nowhere. It wasn't until the movie was out on video and DVD and cable again that I realized it: She was the love interest from Vision Quest! She's a long way from Matthew Modine here. Fiorentino plays Bridget Gregory, who we soon learn is wickedly smart to the point that she takes pride in getting the best of all the silly men in her life, starting with her husband Clay (played by Bill Pullman, in one of his better oles). Clay seems to think he can do his best to keep up with Bridget, and even though they're cut from the same cloth, she's always a step ahead. She convinces Clay, who's a doctor, to illegally sell some prescription drugs for a big score. But you don't piss someone like Bridget off, which Clay does by slapping her when she makes fun of him for almost blowing the deal. That's all our girl needs to sneak off with the money and head the sleepy little small town of Beston, NY to hide for a while.

But it's in Beston where we see Bridget start to work out a plan to get away with everything. She's approached at a bar by a local yokel named Mike (Peter Berg), who seems to just be looking for a way out of Hicksville. He hits on Bridget by bragging about being "hung like a horse" only to have Bridget immediately demand to see if he's telling the truth, right at the table. She takes a look and feels the goods for herself, as she's just realized she's found the guy dumb enough to fall for her evil ways:

Mike Swale: I'm trying to figure out whether you're a total fucking bitch or not.
Bridget Gregory: I am a total fucking bitch.

Sure she is, but she's also miles ahead of everyone else. The great thing about the movie and Fiorentino's role in particular is just seeing how easy it is for her to manipulate those around her. Because Bridget Gregory is always out thinking the room, even when she screws up (not badly) by changing her name to Wendy Kroy (a play on New York spelled backwards, even though her husband knows she has a "thing" for manipulation by doing just that sort of thing with words). So Mike knows Bridget only as Wendy, and eventually Clay figures out she's in some small town using Wendy Kroy as her alias. But no worries for our gal, because her master plan is in motion, and she can audible and throw smoke like nobody else when she needs to.

You never feel sorry for Mike (Peter Berg must have grown up in a town that size because he nails the performance of a clueless small town boy who dreams of hitting the big city) due to the fact that he's having this incredible sex with Bridget/Wendy (up against a fence no less, and yes Bridget/Wendy can fake some seriously incredible orgasms), but he really is as dumb as a bag of hammers. And Bridget has him all figured out, knowing exactly how he'll react to anything. In fact, she's downright bored with him. There's a scene where Mike goes back to their bar (alone, because Bridget's in Miami, or so Mike thinks) to have a drink. One of his friends comes up to let him know that his "girlfriend" came on to him the other night and gave him head. So of course Mike goes nuts and hits the guy. But the beauty of that whole scene is that either Bridget convinced the guy to say that to Mike to rile him up...or she really DID give the guy a blow job? I believe the latter because it's right in-line with her character, and in a way it's a backup for somebody like Bridget in case Mike can't follow through on her final detail.

Mike: "What if I want to be more than your designated fuck?"

Bridget/Wendy: "Then I'll find a replacement."

After the fight in the bar, Mike drunkenly calls Bridget's answering machine, pouring his heart out. Unbeknonwnst to him, Bridget is just lying next to the machine, rolling her eyes at everything he says. But again, she knows there's more to come. Since Mike thinks "Wendy" is in Miami, our girl wisely figures his drunk ass will come over to her house to erase the drunken message. Of COURSE she's right, so she plays even more: She doodles some love notes about how "Wendy" is madly in love with Mike, and sets them right next to the answering machine. So when Mike, just like it was scripted in her mind, comes over to erase the message, he immediately sees the love note and takes it with him, giving him peace of mind that he's finally winning her over. But the best part of that scene is that as we see Mike notice the love note, the camera pans down to let us see Bridget hiding underneath the bed. It wasn't enough for Mike to fall for the bait, Bridget had to see it with her own eyes because she gets such a thrill from it. Another nice touch is that Bridget isn't only hiding under the bed to wait for Mike, she's been doing a fucking crossword puzzle waiting for him.

A woman this smart is just bored with life. She was bored with her marriage, and bored to tears in Beston where they never see anyone who isn't white. But she wants that money she's already taken from her husband, and she gets her thrills and has fun by literally fucking with anyone who's in her way, including the hired help Clay brings to Beston to attempt to bust Bridget. After she has Mike all locked in, she realizes there's a breaking point with him that willl permanently lock him in as her little puppet for her wicked games. She knows there's something, but can't get it out of him (really because it's the exact thing nobody would ever admit to ANYONE, let alone someone you think you're in love with). Bridget needs this final piece of information, and she gets it by also making Mike think she went off to Miami to kill a cheating husband and get a cut of the life insurance money from the guy's wife. So when she goes off to figure out Mike's dirty little secret (of course, doing so the only way she can through her web of lies and cons), it's only a matter of time before the small town boy is all signed up.

It's not giving away the ending to say that Bridget's master plan is to convince Mike to kill Clay, who to him is just a lying and conniving husband -- but in his mind, NOT Bridget's husband. The final stroke in Fiorentino's brilliant performance is what she pulls off when Mike "chickens" out in offing Clay. It's Clay who finally convinces Mike he's been had. But even with that little plan not going away, Bridget has a back-up plan, and you realize it's not her thinking on the fly here, it's her Plan B just in case Mike couldn't do the dirty work. Again, it would surprise nobody if this twisted woman actually DID think of it on the spot though. Director John Dahl (who also made another movie that's held up incredibly well, Rounders) is so great with the little things right through the ending. Any other movie, a character like Bridget would have to die, but Dahl lets her get away with everything, only to figure out who to fuck with next. (In fact, there's a movie that calls itself a sequel to this called The Last Seduction II, and it has nothing to do with this movie, even though there's a character called Bridget Gregory and she's a schemer, but she's nowhere near the Bridget in this movie, so avoid the so-called "sequel" at all costs).

The movie is now 14 years old, and even though I own the DVD, whenever it's on one of the upper tier cable channels, I find myself watching the entire thing again. If Fiorentino would have been eligible for an Oscar for this film, she would have ran away with the thing. Instead, the academy literally had NO deserving candidate in the Best Actress category and had to give the thing to Jessica Lange for a bad movie called Blue Sky. So who cares about awards, Fiorentino and this gem of a movie live on. Just the simple fact that an actress can be so convincing in being that deceptive and obviously having that sort of thing in her is frightening enough. I can't believe that even after this movie (again, not obscure) that she didn't skyrocket to stardom. The real shock to me when it comes to Linda Fiorentino is that she hasn't been in ANYTHING since 2002, and according to her imdb.com, has nothing even in the works. There are rumors that she's difficult to work with, but that's mostly because that fat bastard Kevin Smith said that on his DVD commentary for Dogma. The truth probably lies in her quotes on her imdb page about how she only works when she needs the money. Hell, she's probably got a little bit more of Bridget in her than we'd like to think. Peter Berg is really now a director, doing things like Friday Night Lights. Pullman still works regularly doing mainly vanilla roles, never reaching the swarminess he got to work with in The Last Seduction. But this movie will forever live on because it was Linda Fiorentino's shot at the title, and she's a knockout here, even if she never does another movie. Which looks like a real possibility.

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Obscure Movie Of The Week: Let's Get Harry (1986)

What if I told you there is a lost little gem from the '80's starring Robert Duvall and Gary Busey, and to amp things up also features a then up-and-coming Mark Harmon (former UCLA starting quarterback) and Glenn Frey (yes, from the Eagles, or as Frey calls them, "Eagles") to tag along because, well, there's lots of cocaine involved and the plot involves heading to Columbia to deal with some drug lords? Oh, and the guy who played Jake Ryan in Sixteen Candles in the film too? Oh...you'd like to see Biff Tannen from Back to the Future??? We gots him here too! Oh, and one more thing, the director is the guy who did Cool Hand Luke. Is that something you might be interested in?

Oh yeah, and there's a dwarf. And it aint Billy Barty.

It's actually a good time. Mainly because Busey and Frey are really into character (there are some over at IMDB who openly question how Busey missed out on a Supporting Actor Oscar Nomination for his role, which is being, oh just a bit kind, and Frey playing a coke head isn't much of a stretch). Duvall is Duvall, even if he's just handing out stamps to everyone he sees because he's just mailing his role in. And shouldn't we be interested in anything the guy who did Cool Hand Luke? The movie's called Let's Get Harry, and unfortunately it's tagged with the kiss of death in terms of Hollywood lore. It became what is commonly known as "An Alan Smithee Movie." Meaning, the original director, in this case Stuart Rosenberg (who also directed The Pope of Greenwich Village), became so disenchanted with the final version of the film that he demanded his name be removed from any association with it, therefore the film is credited as being "Directed by Alan Smithee." And there is no Alan Smithee. It's just some name they tag the movie with when the real director demands no credit for his or her work. So everyone wanted to sweep this thing quietly under the rug.

Which is odd, when you consider at the time, Duvall was (like he still is) at screen legend status, Harmon was big from St. Elsewhere, Frey had distanced himself from the Eagles by doing stints on Miami Vice, and Sixteen Candles and Back to the Future had just come out. And good old Gary Busey, although not quite yet certifiable crazy, was at least an established star.

So what went wrong? For starters, everyone distanced themselves from the film after Rosenberg washed his hands of it. Frey actually got thrown in jail in Mexico on a day of shooting, and can we really see Jake Ryan and Biff as anything other than those two characters? So the film never found distribution in theaters and since it was 1986, went straight to "television." Never even got a "straight to video" shout-out. Back then it was just something the HBO's or Showtime's could choose to put on at 3 AM.

As with most of our obscure picks, it's not out on DVD (yet there's a very small group demanding this happen and include the director's cut). So it's VHS or nothing for now. But the real legacy of this film is how it was the end for everyone involved with it film-wise, save Duvall. Busey would have fun but small roles in Point Break and The Firm, and then just completely lose his mind (and now he's something of a running joke playing himself on Entourage). Harmon never really got another shot at a decent movie. Cameron Crowe threw old friend Frey a bone by putting him in a rather miscast role as the General Manager of the Arizona Cardinals in Jerry Maguire. Biff was always Biff (probably begging for more Back To The Future movies, and asking if he could be paid in Cash), and Jake was forever going to be Jake. As for Stuart Rosenberg, he'd direct one more film (1991's My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys), and he died just over a year ago. But if you can find this movie on some lower tier digital cable channel some night, dial it in. It's escapist fun if nothing else.

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Obscure Movie of the week, Arena Brains

I have either stumbled across the mother of all obscure movies here or am the only one who has never heard of this movie until now. Either way, I nearly shit my pants Karl Grindberg style when I opened up the IMDB page on this movie to see the cast. Arena Brains is a short film, 32 minutes to be exact. I cant find much about this movie online, but it has something to do about New York yuppies. Anyhow, the amazing thing about this is the cast which includes Ray Liotta,Steve Buscemi, Eric Bogosion and, get this Michael Stipe. Even the actors in this movie that I did not know have been in an assload of Movies, like Sean Young, AKA Lois Einhorn/Ray Finkle from Ace Ventura and Richard Price, Writer/producer/Actor who was nominated for an Oscar for 1986's the Color of money and now is a writer for The Wire. I have to know if I have unearthed hidden treasure here or have just plain been in the dark for the last 20 years. By the Way DL, this movie is available on VHS on Amazon.com. CLICK TO READ ENTIRE POST!

Obscure Movie Of The Week: Touch And Go (1986)

Maybe the true test of whether or not something is an "obscure" movie or not is to check and see whether or not the fucking thing is even available on DVD, let alone Blue Ray or DVD-HD. Turns out this little gem of a film called Touch and Go aint on any DVD you can get anywhere (at least legally) and doesn't appear to be anytime soon. Which says something, because it's actually a decent movie that got great reviews (Siskel & Ebert both gave it "Two Thumbs Up", although it should be noted not "Two Enthusiastic Thumbs Up", and it really seems they only liked it because it was filmed in Chicago).

At any rate, it's a wonder the movie even got released, and turns out only did so because of star


Michael Keaton's stock rising so fast at time. But hell, if it wasn't going to come out in 1986, don't you think that after something like Beetle Juice or I don't know, Batman, it would have had some sort of shelf life? Which I have a theory of: If this movie HAD come out a few years later, it might not be so obscure.


The gist of the film has Keaton playing a pro hockey player who gets mugged outside a rough Chicago stadium after a game. He runs down one of the kids, who's such a con artist he convinces Keaton's character to throw back cheeseburgers with him and come home and meet Mom, who happens to be single and played by a little hottie named Maria Conchita Alonso, who I'm sure Quentin Tarantino jerks off to every other night.


So there's your story line, and you can pretty much guess where things go. Keaton falls for the kid's mom and oh by the way gets back at the gang of thugs who mugged him and teaches the kid a lesson on staying away from the crips and bloods and such. But the movie really serves as Exhibit A as to why Keaton was such a big deal, and leaves a lot of us wondering why he never became even bigger. It seems that Keaton and Tom Hanks both made the scene around the same time. Both made successful Ron Howard movies, and for a while it looked like Keaton was going to have the brilliant career.


And frankly, I can't figure out where Keaton went wrong. Other than maybe Hanks can suck the corporate tit better, there's no reason he isn't having a Jack Nicholson-esque sort of career now.


But alas, it seemed stardom seemed to freak Keaton out whereas Hanks was drawn to it. Keaton was Tim Burton's go-to guy before Johnny Depp. It seemed like Keaton was really drawn the Burton's world, and had some major hits along the way. Then the shit hit the fan. Burton and Johnny Depp became joined at the penis, and bowed out after the second Batman movie, replaced by that flaming fag Joel Schumacher as director, and Keaton decided to punt on doing anymore Batman flicks. Which turned out to be the right move, but it evidently gave Hollywood pause, because frankly Keaton hasn't done anything since.

While Hanks is looked upon as some risk taker for playing a gay lawyer or a retarded guy who gets to fuck Robin Wright Penn, Keaton has stuck to formula films where he's basically the only thing in the movie worth watching. The Dream Team was a light-hearted Cuckoo's nest wannabe. Pacific Heights thinks it's a Fatal Attraction update of some sort. Hell, My Life is a Ghost rip-off (even written by the same guy who wrote Ghost) and Keaton probably thought Multiplicity was his Groundhog Day (because, like Groundhog, Multiplicty was Directed by Harold Ramis and co-starred Andie MacDowell). Even when Keaton tried to stretch and jump in bed with Tarantino, he winds up in QT's worst received film (although Jackie Brown is still a great movie and Keaton is very good in it). A few years ago, because I was tired of tossing dollar bills out of my car to flow freely in the wind, I ordered a movie called Game 6 on in-demand because the story was somewhat intriguing and it looked like Keaton was going to do a great but small independent film. It's an alright movie, forever destined to be a future Obscure Movie of the Week, but again Michael Keaton is the best thing going for it. Just as it is for Touch and Go. CLICK TO READ ENTIRE POST!

Obscure Movie Of The Week: Runaway (1984)

There was a point in time -- and God knows you're never going to get the man to admit to this -- when KISS bass player and legendary money lover Gene Simmons was, shall we say, worried about what his little rock band was going to do sans makeup. I mean, KISS had already lost two founding members in Ace Frehley and Peter Criss, and staged a Live event on MTV to unveil the new band without their trademark makeup.

BTW, before I forget, Gene's been in the news a bit lately, and it really shouldn't surprise anyone that a video like this has surfaced. And there's a good chance that by the time you click on the above link, Gene's lawyers might have won and taken it down.

But Gene's sexcapades, which were already legendary, aren't the movies we're talking about here. We're talking about a forgotten little movie called Runaway, which is a Tom Selleck futuristic vehicle that had to pitched to Selleck along the lines of, "Think Blade Runner but scarier. It'll get you off that TV show of yours, you won't have to wear a Detroit Tigers hat anymore. We'll even cut your hair like Harrison Ford's...yes, you can keep the mustache, and we'll get Christopher Walken or somebody to play the very scary villain. And the guy who will one day write a film called Jurassic Park will write and direct it, so stop your sobbing and sign here..."

Instead of Walken, Simmons was cast in his first real movie role (No, KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park doesn't count as his debut because, well, for one that was a made of TV movie where Gene is playing Gene Simmons of KISS, and have you even seen part of THAT mess of a movie?), and truth be told, he's actually very good as the villain. Just ask Gene, he'll tell you all about it. In fact, according to Simmons, director Michael Crichton's casting of him was based primarily on this: Crichton asked Simmons to stare at him for about a minute without making any facial expressions. Apparently, Crichton decided on this that Simmons looked menacing enough and cast him for the role of Dr. Charles Luther.

Not to say Gene was going to need to get his press folks to strike up a Supporting Actor Oscar campaign, but the movie was at least enough to warrant another role or two for old Gene. But as it turns out, the revamped KISS did well enough for about another decade without their makeup to sell enough records to keep that money grabbing bastard Simmons in silk pajamas. And I'm sure Gene isn't the easiest of folks to work with. I mean, this is the guy who when all four members of KISS released solo albums in the late '70's, ended his with an extremely faithful and un-ironic version of "When You Wish Upon A Star." In other words, Got No Spleen, Gene, was thinking he had leading man material coming his way. To which we need to be reminded of what Eddie Murphy said in his landmark standup movie, Eddie Murphy Delirious: "Rock stars get all sorts of pussy...all you gotta do is sing...because Mick Jagger is one of the ugliest mother fuckers in the universe." Sorry Gene, you just not the most handsome man one could put on a movie screen.

Runaway takes place in a far too distant future where machines are turning against man. Machines run by Simmons' character. And it's up to Tom Selleck and a little hottie played by Cynthia Rhodes (who sadly didn't do much film work after this) to save the day. Oh, and a pre-Cheers Kirstie Alley has a major role as well. I don't want to spoil all the fun here, but Simmons character kills her. Universal's HD channel has been replaying the movie probably more than they should lately, and there are worse ways to spend 90-minutes.

Selleck, it should be noted, has had an odd career. He did have a major hit with 3 Men and a Baby, was actually funny in his numerous appearances as Monica's older love interest on "Friends", and should have gotten a lot more roles by playing a gay TV reporter in the otherwise forgettable In & Out. Where did Selleck go wrong? Probably because he never got to be Harrison Ford. Turns out Steven Spielberg wanted him to play Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark, but he was still under contract for that little TV show that first made him a star. And he's probably pissed off that George Clooney is having the movie career of movie careers after getting his own start on television.

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Obscure Movie Of The Week: The Wild Life (1984)

Last week, some local steakhouse brought in a spread that included potatoes, salad, and big cooked up T-Bone Steaks to one of the local morning radio shows so they could feed the on-air staff and get a plug on the air. So naturally, they didn't bring in silverware. Not even sporks, which is always my preferred utensil with all foods, including soup. Nobody would take the steaks without utensils, so one of the announcers told me just to eat the damn thing with my bare hands.

"Who am I?" I retorted. "The late Chris Penn?"

The departed Chris Penn, it should be noted, was not only famous for being the brother of Sean, but on a more local level, he was known for strapping on the old feed bag at the local Lone Star Steak House, ordering the biggest steak on the menu, and eating it. With his BARE HANDS. And this went on every night when he was in Lincoln shooting the cult movie To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. But let's face it: Chris didn't make his bones (pardon the pun) from eating steaks with his bare hands. He got a shot at the title for being Sean Penn's brother. Namely, because of our man Cameron Crowe, who hit the jackpot writing Fast Times at Ridgemont High, a movie that in turn made Sean a household name and gave him lifetime membership in the "Best Stoner Performances Ever" club. He's up there with Matthew McConaughey and Rory Cochrane from Dazed and Confused and Brad Pitt in True Romance.

At any rate, somebody found another script of Crowe's called The Wild Life, thought it was another "Fast Times" and cast Sean's brother Chris in the lead role. Hell, even Cameron Crowe regular Eric Stoltz is in the movie. I'm one of the seven people who admit to actually seeing this in a theater. The BLAIR TWIN THEATRE no less. My memory of this movie is that it was as funny as a Boone's Farm Hangover. Evidently, Ronnie Wood from the Stones is in it. That little hottie Lea Thompson is in it (but she was also in Howard the Duck, the gal wasn't exactly great at picking out the best flicks). There's a weird subplot with Randy Quaid as a Vietnam vet that has no business being there. Eddie Van Halen composed and recorded the entire soundtrack. In short, it's a blatant Fast Times wannabe that never was. In fact, it's not even available on DVD, although now there is a cult following that's demanding a DVD release. My hunch is Jason Jorgensen and anyone else who liked the movie Real Men is in that group. If you desperately need this movie for your DVD collection, please click here and join Jason and the other minions by signing the petition. Some people love the movie, saying "Fast Times was great, but 'The Wild Life' was really what high school was like for me." These people are also categorized as mentally challenged.

By the way, if you're going to make another "Fast Times", you have to follow these simple rules:

1. The killer, seemingly out of nowhere, nudity shot. Yep, we're talking about Phoebe Cates undoing that bikini top when she comes out of the pool. You don't need Judge Reinhold jerking off in the bathroom, but you gotta have Phoebe's tits. Just ask Kevin Kline. Something that American Pie got right with that minx Nadia running around the bedroom naked wanting to play with herself. Hell, even Sixteen Candles gives us that nice....long....shower shot of Jake's girfriends perfect bare breasts.
2. At least one identifiable character who everyone recalls from their high school, like Spicoli in Fast Times or David Wooderson or any number of characters in Dazed and Confused (in fact, "Dazed" gets a pass on the nudity because they have so many characters that just nailed it, plus we all envisioned Parker Posey naked anyway). None of that in The Wild Life. I didn't know a Vietnam Vet in High School, I just knew of a few who acted like one while working at a local grocery store.
3. Music. "Dazed" has the best collection of '70's rock songs from that era that they could get the rights to use. I mean the movie ends with everyone heading off on no sleep to go buy Aeorosmieth tickets. American Gaffiti does the same thing with 1950's pop songs. Irving Azoff got his clients to write great pop songs for "Fast Times", most notably "Somebody's Baby" by Jackson Browne, and the underrated "Love Rules" by Don Henley, which is played when Jennifer Jason Leigh first invites that virgin into her bedroom (a very uncomfortable scene that doesn't get enough credit by the way, it's right up there with the dozen phone calls that Mikey makes on that answering machine in Swingers, it's that hard to watch the virgin, ahem, blow his chance). There's even that great scene in "Fast Times" where Mike Damone tells virgin Mark Ratner to put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV when he's on his date, only to have Ratner screw up and play Kashmir from the "Physical Graffiti" album instead. The Wild Life, besides having Eddie Van Halen hit the axe for most of the movie, has "Who's Going to Break The Ice" by Peter Chase.

It should be noted that the movie's failure didn't exactly kill Chris Penn's career, although he obviously never scaled the heights that his chain smoking brother did. Later that year, he'd get to make an ass of himself with Kevin Bacon in Footloose, and of course got the role of a lifetime in Reservoir Dogs. But mostly, it was small roles in other obscure movies for Chris (one of which was in another of my all-time faves True Romance, but that movie's got Val Kilmer playing Elvis, Pitt doing the perfect stoner, James Gandolfini auditioning for his role as Tony Soprano, Dennis Hopper and Christopher Walken in a scene that only the two of them could pull off, and Sam Jackson talking about how much he likes to eat pussy. Plus Chris had to share almost all of screen time with Tom Sizemore, and you have to figure the crew took bets on which one of those two actors was going to die in real life first). So at least Chris (or Cameron Crowe for that matter) isn't remembered for The Wild Life. My hunch is the Chris Penn you always think about is the one in Reservoir Dogs, and one day today's youth will shout out, "Hey, Do you know that's Sean Penn's brother?" Which is exactly the point. The Wild Life signaled he was never going to get out of older brother's big shadow.

But here's some nice trivia on Chris. In attendance at his funeral were Robin Wright Penn, Sean Penn (wow, glad he could make the time), Mark Ruffalo, Jack Nicholson, James Gandolfini, Charlie Sheen, Tim Robbins, Tom Sizemore (he had to have said 400 Hail Mary's for it not being him in that casket) Robert Downey Jr. (see Tom Sizemore) and Michael Madsen. Chris also, according to his imdb.com bio, drank only Bookers bourbon, and liked to drink in the afternoon at burlesque great Betty Rowland's 217 bar in Santa Monica, California. I'll bet Heath Ledger spent some time there, too.

Everyone will remember Nice Guy Eddie Cabot. Unless you watched Chris Penn eat that steak with his bare hands, and really loved The Wild Life.

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Obscure Movie Of The Week: Real Men (1987)

When I first lived in the crack den with, among other degenerates, Jason Jorgensen, there were three things he always talked about: Jane's Addiction, Guns N' Roses, and a movie called Real Men (1987). I'd heard of the first two acts, of course, but he spoke so glowingly and passionately about the latter that he thought of it as the Citizen Kane of comedies. "It's the funniest thing I've ever seen....I can't believe YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT," he'd scream the only way he could at me. "We're renting it one night."

Turns out, his persistent pleas got the better of me, and I finally broke down and spent the worst $2.50 of my life to rent the video of the movie. I would have been better off giving a passerby the $2.50 for a Mickey's Big Mouth to go down the street and buy at Mum's Liquor than to endure what followed. Here's what happened: For the next 90 minutes, Jason laughed out loud non-stop, twice getting to the point where he was doing one of those out-of-breath, begging the movie to stop because the laughter on TV from James Belushi and the late John Ritter was about to kill him. I spent more time watching Jason than I did the movie. I still to this day can't tell you anything about Real Men, what it's about, only that it was some buddy movie where I didn't laugh once.

That didn't bother Jason at all, he was having the time of his life. And to this day, Jason is still the only person in my life I've ever come across who not only knows this movie exists, but has such a devout love and passion for it that the rest of us do for comedies like Caddyshack , Blazing Saddles and now Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. I'll forever have Jason to thank for getting me into Jane's Addiction and a few other things we'll save for another post. But I'll never understand how he found such a big soft spot in his heart for Real Men. CLICK TO READ ENTIRE POST!

Obscure Movie of the week: My Bodyguard

This is another classic movie that nearly everyone has forgotten. 1980's "My Bodyguard featured a young Matt Dillon who at the time had a rebilish reputation after 1979's Over the Edge. Also starring Adam Baldwin, who had studied for this role by getting the shit beat out of him by older brother Daniel. also starring a young and unknown Joan Cussack. The lead actor though is a Chris Makepeace, who I believe was molested by Bill Murray in 1979's Meatballs. The classic line from this masterpiece is when Matt Dillon finally get's his in the end and cries to young makepiece "You Broke My Nose". The best trivia though from this film is it featured a Tom Reilly who would go on to create the worlds largest gay and lesbian online community and a Hot Young Jennifer Beals, pre flashdance, who would later become everyones favorite lesbian on Showtimes "The L word"

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Obscure Movie of the Week: Playing For Keeps

In an on-going weekly segment we'll have here on this post (and frankly, it's something we'll hope that brings Bsmoked & Mackenzie to write maybe a column or two a year), this one's in honr of Travis RoastBeef, who's been trying to find this movie like Jake Gittes in Chinatown trying to figure up why Faye Dunaway's character is so fucked up. Leave it to Mackenzie to finally find this movie: Playing for Keeps (1986). A movie I literally never knew existed, but now it seems to have quite a history a part from Travis' love for it:

• Really the film debut for future Oscar-winner Playing for Keeps, and they seem to now market whatever market there is for the movie around her appearance (in fact, she's billed , "And introducing Marisa Tomei as Tracy!"
• Written by a couple of guys named Bob Weinstein and Harvey Weinstein, who would later start Miramax films and make way for the great movies we love of the 1990's.
• Not a good movie, and if you look at the trailer at this link, it's likened obviously to Footloose and Satisfaction (no, not the Stones song, the Julia Roberts/Justine Bateman flick).
• Has your typical cheesy 80's soundtrack of songs, including the obiquitous "I'm So Excited" by the Pointer Sisters, and what would be considered throaway songs from the likes of Peter Frampton, Pete Townshend, Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark(that's OMD, yeah you know me, to those in the know), and, hold on...wait for it, wait for it....Phil Collins.
• Uhm....other than that, it's really a movie that Travis RoastBeef and three other people remember.

Interestingly enough, it's up 33% on the imdb.com movie meter, which is WAAAY higher than Heath Ledger's. Which means Travis has some serious pull, becuase this means way too many people have been trying to find this movie. I frankly have nothing else to add to this mess, other than to say there's an imdb poster named OKCRay who has this shoutout for Travis:

"I have a copy of the PLAYING FOR KEEPS soundtrack on CD, and most of the songs have either "play for keeps" or "playing for keeps" somewhere in the lyrics."

Don't worry, Husker signing day is Tuesday, we'll have some coverage there and we'll go back to regularly scheduled programming then. But nominations for next week's movie of the week (and Trav, feel free to write next week's edition) are being accepted now.

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